The season’s penultimate episode isn’t very eventful, but nearly all the ladies are working it. Phaedra’s getting closer to her dreams of big time funeral business. Cynthia’s almost ready to launch her modeling school. Kandi’s still prepping her sex toy line. Nene contemplates moving to LA and looking for someone crazy enough to cast her alongside professional actors. (Hello, Ryan Murphy!) And Kim gets engaged (and a spin-off!)…
Kim & Cynthia
They’re driving to meet each other for lunch, explaining to respective friends that the time has come to really hash out what Cynthia said in South Africa. Would Kim actually hold a black baby or visit an orphanage?
Kim’s take: “We all talk about each other, there’s always so much drama. But Cynthia really did cross the line saying I wouldn’t hold a black baby. I take that as a racist comment.”
Meanwhile, Cynthia’s getting a pep talk from Nene who tells her: “If I were you I’d go in there and just say whatever the hell I want to say because she’s gonna say whatever she wants.”
Kim and Cynthia meet up, hug, get their drinks and order their food. Cynthia explains, “We’re in this weird place where we never really were friends and never really got to know each other.” Kim admits, “I say dumb s— all the time.” Cynthia won’t deny that she said “something” in South Africa but makes it clear that she doesn’t feel Kim is a racist and apologizes. Kim thinks Cynthia is a very different person when she’s away from Nene, very sweet. Cynthia admits when Nene is around there’s more tension but she and Kim simply never took the time to get to know each other.
Cynthia asks Kim if Kim thinks she’ll ever make up with Nene. Kim says no, she’s in a great place and happy in her life, but maybe if Nene gets five years of counseling she could have a normal adult conversation again. Kim makes a joke to the camera about Cynthia’s infamous friendship contract, then suggests to Cynthia that they go on a double date. Kim tells the camera Kroy would probably never want to go, while Cynthia tells Kim that Peter is a big football fan.
Nene’s in Los Angeles with her assistant Andre checking into the Omni hotel. She’s meeting with the creators of “Glee” and “a lot of Hollywood producers.” She loves acting and has been acting for years (see her main credit: “Real Housewives of Atlanta”). “Moving to LA is definitely an option now. I love the craft of acting, I’m hoping to go very far,” she says, before adding (Sheree style): “I’m aiming for that Oscar, I’ve got to get an Oscar.”
Also, this is the first time she’s been around Andre for so long. “I love my gays, Andre’s VERY gay,” Nene says and then wonders, “Can you not be gay for five minutes?” (She probably won’t ask that in her meeting with Ryan Murphy.)
Joe & Kroy
It’s a rare meeting of the “Housewives” men as Kroy has a question for Kim’s papa Joe. “As you can see, Kim and I have started to build a life together,” Kroy says. “The girls, I feel like they’re my own. I was hoping that I could ask for your blessing to marry your daughter.”
Joe has a few questions: Are you fully committed? Are you going to take care of Kim and the girls as if they were your own? Through health, sickness all those other things, Kim will always be a part of your life? Is it a lifetime commitment? Since the answer to all of these is obviously yes (and in real life Kim and Kroy are already married with a Bravo spin-off wedding show on the way), Joe says he and his wife would happily welcome Kroy into the family. (To Be Continued on “Don’t Be Tardy For the Wedding” premiering April 26!)
Kandi is Skyping with a designer in Amsterdam working on her sex toy line. We’re treated to mock-ups of a lot of vibrating makeup: lipstick, powder, etc. Kandi “visualizes” all sorts of fun uses for these. Then there’s more about Kandi’s dream sex toy: the long awaited vibrator that vibrates to music. Kandi’s reaction: “They stepped things up another notch, a whole other level to what I was thinking. Perfection!”
Cynthia & Peter
With her modeling school about to open, Cynthia is preparing the search for students. She heard someone was flying in all the way from Ohio. Peter arrives to ask how she’s feeling. She’s excited but overwhelmed. Peter predicts 300 people based on the “radio stuff” he’s setting up for her. Turns out Cynthia’s sister Mal took a voluntary leave of absence from the business, and of course Peter is happy about that. Cynthia thinks it’s a good thing too. They discuss making sure the tryouts won’t get shut down by the fire marshal (thrilling stuff!). Cynthia’s biggest concern is finding the right caliber of students. She wants to find 20 girl and 15 guys but the reality of the situation is she’ll be lucky to find one. She says she’s confident she’ll succeed with Peter on her side and they’ve become a great team. She wants to prove any naysayers — and Mal — wrong.
Phaedra has reached the final phase of her funeral home training at Willie Watkins’. Today she’ll meet with a family looking to make funeral arrangements. She’s really proud of herself and thanks the good lord up above. Before meeting the family she confesses she’s “sad for them, but I’m a little excited for myself.” Phaedra puts on her angelic side, consoling a deceased man’s two adult children. She gets the basic information and moves into the business of selling a casket. “Unless you’re going to put your loved one in a pine box,” Phaedra comments, “I don’t feel bad about selling them the finest of caskets because this is their final resting place. I’d rather for them to be resting on a Sealy Posturepedic than the floor.”
The casket this brother and sister pick carries a $14,000 price tag, but Phaedra smoothly assures them it’s “the last thing you can do for your father so you’ll spare no expense.” Eventually the clients start cracking up and Phaedra is floored. Turns out it’s all been a test. They wouldn’t let real grieving customers anywhere near a newbie! But Phaedra passed with flying colors and she happily reveals to the camera she’s already discussed partnering in a new funeral home with Willie.
Back in LA, Nene heads to Crustacean restaurant and immediately hits the bar. Her meeting with “Glee” went fantastic, she thinks she got the part (spoiler alert: she did, her first episode aired back in January). Nene wrestles her breasts into her dress and drinks sweet white wine with Andre. Steve Harvey and his wife Marjorie happen to walk by, and Nene informs us she’s their favorite friend in Atlanta. She admires Marjorie’s 25 carat ring and discusses the idea of moving to LA. Steve warns her “LA is la-la-land. Atlanta is better for family.” Nene says Steve gives great advice and she loves that. She’s worried about whether Gregg will let her bring Brent with her.
Next on Nene’s guest list: Rudy Huxtable herself, Keisha Knight Pulliam. (Apparently it’s Hot-lanta night at Crustacean.) It makes Nene feel good to know other celebrities from Atlanta have homes in LA. They go back and forth and make it work. She can too. (Does this mean she’ll have time for both “Real Housewives” AND Ryan Murphy’s NBC comedy “The New Normal”–if that pilot gets picked up to series for next season?)
Kandi is working at her clothing boutique TAGS when Phaedra visits. Phaedra’s looking for something with sequins to help her get a second baby. As Phaedra reminds us, “I am built like a little donkey. No donkey should wear shorts, they should always wear a nice skirt or long pants, cover that thing up.”
Kandi asks if Phaedra and Apollo are already working on a second baby and Phaedra tells her they’re having sex, unprotected with no birth control so yeah, probably. Kandi asks if Apollo is pulling out. Heck no, he’s staying in! And that’s officially the dirtiest interstitial of the “Real Housewives” season.
All Together Now
The gang’s designated gathering for the week is a honorary event for Phaedra’s friend in funerals, Willie Watkins. She’s invited all the talls and smalls to the event and asked them to “wear their Sunday best and steer clear of their normal tight, bootylicious, skanky mama clothes and look more like a wholesome church going girl.”
Kandi observes the event is very Phaedra: pomp, circumstance and lots of church ladies. Kim sees people in swords and top hats and wonders if they’re at the circus. She thought it was in honor of Phaedra and has no idea who Willie Watkins is. Sheree and even Nene are there too. Nene says in Africa Phaedra made it clear there are no issues between them, so Nene decided to be a “good sport” and show up.
Even though she supposedly doesn’t care, Kim can’t hide her disdain when Nene walks in. Kandi is seated with Cynthia and Nene which makes Kim sad. As the ceremony starts Kim is confused and then bored and then impatient. Nene says the event is “extremely long and extremely boring.” Cynthia wants it to wrap up and be over, “What a waste of an outfit and a wig!”
As the event drones on, Nene informs us in a confessional: “I don’t speak to Sheree and Kim. In Africa we all decided to be cordial but once we got to Georgia it’s back to normal bitch. It’s back to where we were.”
Kim excuses herself from the table and takes Sheree outside to share some big news: She has a massive ring and Kroy proposed (in that order). Kim has been hiding her ring so no one else would see. Kroy designed the whole thing, it’s 10 carats.
Sheree asks how he proposed and Kim says she was at home with her wig off, tank top and slippers. Kroy took her outside with her eyes closed. When he told her to open her eyes, he was on his knees. He had “Would you marry me?” written in red roses. (We’ll probably see all this on “Don’t Be Tardy for the Wedding,” premiering April 26!)
Kim thanks Sheree for introducing her to Kroy and asks her to be a bridesmaid. “She’s really been there for me as a friend,” Kim says, clearly remembering their massive argument when Sheree threatened to rip off Kim’s wig. “She’s always been supportive of our relationship, so who better to ask?” Who indeed?
They go back inside and it’s finally Phaedra’s turn to talk. She announces her partnership with Willie and reiterates her mortuary catchphrase: “We’re gonna give ’em funerals worth dying for.”
Housewife of the Week: In a low impact week like this it would be easy to go with Phaedra for one more mention of her donkey booty and sweet talking the bereaved out of their money. But Kim was clearly working hardest for the good of the show this week, laying the foundation for her own show even while Nene was taking TV acting meetings in Los Angeles. So we’ll give this week’s episode to: Kim
NEXT WEEK: The season finale! Tryouts for Cynthia’s school begin; Nene’s sleazy boyfriend returns; Kim opens up to Kroy about Big Papa; Kandi throws some sex toy event with a bunch of oiled up half-naked guys; Marlo & Nene get into it; Kim uses the words “dildo” and “dick” in reference to Nene; and Nene is seen walking away yelling out “Goodnight bitches!”
What are you more excited to see: more of Nene on “Glee” or Kim and Kroy’s “Don’t Be Tardy for the Wedding”? Would you actually buy one of Kandi’s sex toys, or let Phaedra plan your funeral? And why does every Atlanta celebrity eat at Crustacean in Los Angeles?