Recap: ‘The Real Housewives of Atlanta’ – ‘From Motherland to Haterville’

It’s yet another brawl-centric episode, so we have to sit through a few less violent plotlines until the fighters can take their corners and make sure they’ve mastered flipping their hair with the correct degree of hostility. As we learned in South Africa, Kandi’s offhand comment about Kim not seeming like someone who’d jump at the chance to hang out in a South African orphanage has somehow been twisted into Kandi thinking Kim is a member of the KKK, so there will be screaming just as soon as Kim gets into weave-yanking distance of her former friend.

But first, the girls have to actually leave South Africa. The fun begins when we see Marlo pack, which isn’t actually packing, but lounging on the bed and bossing around some poor resort employee as to how her shoes need to be individually packed in carry-on luggage, as she suspects some random guy in baggage handling is going to swoon over a massive Christian Louboutin and rob her blind. Even NeNe manages to pack her own stuff (she can’t zipper it, but she isn’t completely helpless). I suspect Marlo is not only difficult, but she doesn’t tip. Anyone. Ever. Hey, she worked hard for her money! Sticking her legs in the air while being bathed in old man sweat!

As the ladies prepare to leave, everyone who works at the resort lines up to sing to them. This seems sweet, but I’m pretty sure they’re just relieved these crazy bitches are getting off the property. I’m sure once the cameras are turned off and the women’s backs are turned, they’re quietly flipping them off and hoping Blue Eyes managed to discretely tear gashes in every damn one of Marlo’s Louboutins.

They finally jet away, and a few of the women share their thoughts. Phaedra believed that everyone learned something on the vacation, and their hearts were opened by how open and loving all those orphans were. Sheree thought that, overall, it was a positive experience. Cynthia felt they had a chance to do good works. NeNe learned that the Talls and the Smalls are not friends. Because she wasn’t really paying attention to all those stinky poor people and gross animals.

Back in Atlanta, Kim needs a nanny for her mooselike baby K.J. She has two housekeepers AND a chef, but it’s not enough! Oh, and a personal assistant, but Sweetie is no good at all. Proof of that? While Kim is working her fingers TO THE BONE looking for a nanny online, Sweetie is hanging by the pool with Brielle. While I will say hanging by the pool is not the mark of a good assistant, I’m not sure why Kim needs someone to do the intolerable work of, say, returning phone calls and looking up stuff online. But I guess her job is to… well, not sure what her job is, honestly. Anyway, Sweetie elects one of the housekeepers, Pincha, to be the new nanny, and the problem is solved.

Cynthia returns home to some news — her kid likes Peter’s cooking better than hers, Peter wants to throw a big anniversary party for the two of them, and NeNe’s kid Bryson was arrested for stealing razors at Wal-Mart. Welcome home! While I have to question Peter’s logic in wanting to throw a big, stupid party (which Cynthia doesn’t seem to want anyway), when it comes to an opinion on Bryson, he actually makes a lot of sense. NeNe wants to leave her kid to rot in jail, but Peter notes that when he was 21, he had to spend 24 hours in jail and it was plenty of time for him to reconsider his behavior. More importantly, he’s known guys who didn’t even make it home after getting tossed in the local slammer with pedophiles, murderers and rapists. NeNe may be frustrated, but I’m pretty sure she’d like her kid back in one piece. Peter tries to make this point to NeNe after he recruits her to visit a party planner with him, but she doesn’t seem that open to his ideas. Of course, watching Peter try to lowball the party planner to the point where he’s trying to figure out how to turn Twinkies into a buffet-style dinner probably didn’t give her a lot of confidence in his judgment.

Finally, we get to the real issue — Kandi vs. Kim, the Ultimate Smackdown. Kandi whines to her mom about Kim thinking she’s racist, Kim whines to her interior decorator Kendra that Kandi thinks she’s racist. Finally, it’s time for Phaedra and Kandi to carpool to Kim’s house for a tense, unpleasant lunch of pasta and insults. But first, Kandi and Phaedra visit Sheree’s empty lot. Kandi suspects that Sheree is having a tough time, and maybe Marlo’s suggestion that she’s broke was spot on. Feeling empathetic, she vows to resist the urge to smack Sheree’s head clean off her shoulders during Kim’s lunch.

Phaedra and Kandi arrive at Kim’s, and they both swoon over the house. It’s lovely! Clearly, they haven’t seen the gag-inducing jumbo-sized photos of naked Kim and naked Kroy that she’s plastering all over the house. Anyway, after dropping a few hints, “SOOOOO, you guys went to an ORPHANAGE?”, it’s time for Kim and Kandi to address the racist elephant in the room. Oh, and Sheree needs to jump right in screaming hysterically as well. Kim’s a nurse! She doesn’t see race! Kandi doesn’t think she’s racist anyway! Kim loves babies, bitch! Sigh. Phaedra just quietly eats her red velvet cupcake and watches the show. When she is finally pulled into the argument, she tries to make the point that um, Kandi wasn’t being racist, but then gets drowned out. Stop being so rational, woman!

Does anyone else seem to notice that the women seem to be on the verge of giggling at a few points? I know there’s some scripting here, but really, at least they could try to pretend they’re actually arguing. Anyway, Kandi absolutely denies that she thinks Kim’s racist — lazy and disgusted by poor people, sure, but not racist! Kim is not thrilled with this attempt at reconciliation, which isn’t much of an attempt. But it does suggest we’ll have more fighting in the next episode, which will also include a big fight between Peter and Cynthia’s family at their anniversary party!

Do you think Kandi’s right or Sheree is right? Do you think Kim would have gone to South Africa if she hadn’t just had a baby? What do you think is going on with Sheree’s house?