The results are in for the first round of eliminations from Team Adam and Team Cee-Lo.
Will Jamar sail right through? Will this be the end of the road for Pip and his bow ties? Will fan non-favorite Erin walk like an Egyptian right off the show? How will Christina stab Tony Lucca in the back tonight?
Carson promises a big show and a great performance by Jessie J! So let’s get to it…
Well, we’ll get to it as soon as Jessie J (who apparently doubles as a coach on the U.K. version of “The Voice”) finishes her second-rate Katy Perry thing on “Domino.” She’s briefly joined by Team Christina, who aren’t allowed to distinguish themselves in any meaningful way but once again prove that the women (Ashley and Lindsey) are far more effortless on stage than the men (Jesse and Chris).
After a commercial break, Carson has the results…
Adam reminds us that even though he criticized nearly all of his team members last night, they’re all awesome and they all deserve incredible careers. Sure, Adam.
The three safe on Team Adam: Mathai, Tony Lucca and… Pip.
I hate you America. You can’t love bow ties and hilariously inept pretend rock performances that much.
Anyway, bad news if your name starts with K and you’re on Team Adam: Katrina, Kim and Karla will all have to perform one more time so Adam can decide who to save. I expect he’ll go with Katrina, but this could be close.
On to Team Cee-Lo.
Cee-Lo tells his team not to worry. If one of them win, they all win! Sure, Cee-Lo.
Who’s safe? Juliet, Jamar and that awful little James.
So, great news if your name starts with a J and you’re on Team Cee-Lo! Cheesa, Tony Vincent and Erin will have to perform for Cee-Lo. Seems like he’ll save Tony, but maybe he’ll want to keep another lady around, which would probably only benefit Cheesa.
On to the performances: Kim Yarbrough is first up with Jennifer Hudson’s “Spotlight.” Again I think she’s solid and I like what Kim, as a mature woman, represents in a competition increasingly dominated by younger contestants.
Karla Davis is next up on Bonnie Raitt’s “I Can’t Make You Love Me.” It’s obviously a better choice than “Airplanes,” but Karla is once again out of her depth. There are shy girls who blossom on stage (Dia last year, Lindsey this year), but Karla isn’t one of them. Adam has his eyes closed as if to focus on her vocals alone, assuming he can hear her…
Katrina Parker takes the stage last and brings No Doubt’s “Don’t Speak” with her. Someone is still styling her like Adele but this performance opens up more distance in the comparisons — as in Adele would never waste time on a song like this. I like No Doubt just fine, but this isn’t a song to show off your vocals.
Still, based on all that, Adam will probably save Katrina since she’s the obvious choice anyway.
Carson asks the other coaches what they think: Blake didn’t feel any urgency from Kim, and he’d lean toward Katrina. Christina thinks Adam is in a “really sucky position” but she’d agree with Blake and pick Katrina. No question, hands down. Cee-Lo understands the pressure they’re all under but in terms of “song choice, performance, energy and clarity” he’d go for Katrina.
Gee, what will Adam do? He has a couple words: “Take a look around and realize where you are, realize how many millions of people have seen you perform.” He reminds us that he probably couldn’t win if he was competing. And he saves: Katrina.
As they exit Karla thanks the “people behind the scenes, the hair and makeup people and the band” and Kim thanks “everyone.” Neither of them throw a tantrum over the fact that Pip is still in it, and they’re not.
After the break, Christina Milian has Adam and Katrina backstage. He feels “awkward” and as usual he sounds awkward, but we love him anyway. Katrina is “completely shocked, amazed and grateful on every level.” She thanks the audience, even though they were responsible for her almost leaving the show.
Team Cee-Lo starts their performances with Tony Vincent doing his version of the Eurythmics’ “Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This).” I think I find Tony’s take creepier than Marilyn Manson’s cover. I expect he’ll be cut soon enough, but not tonight.
Cheesa takes the stage next with that competition show standard, Eric Carmen’s “All By Myself.” Is there any doubt that if Celine Dion ever sang it, Cheesa thinks she can too? She belts it out big and dramatic, and maybe…just maybe…Cee-Lo will be impressed enough to keep her around.
For some reason they’ve saved Erin Martin for last. She’s performing Elton John’s “Your Song.” Somewhere babies are crying and dogs are barking like there’s no tomorrow. For a brief moment that feels like an eternity “The Voice” has become “The Gong Show.”
So what do the coaches think? Adam has had an “amazing awakening.” He wonders why it took all of them “so long to sing like it’s your last chance.” He’s both confused and enlightened. He would save Cheesa. Blake totally agrees with Adam. He was reminded why he likes Erin’s voice, Tony finally won him over but Cheesa knocked it out of the park and he’d pick her.
But hold up, Adam wants to talk again! He needs everyone to really seriously totally understand that he’s had one of Oprah’s A-Ha Moments! He wants to make sure no one performs on the show ever again unless they feel like it’s their LAST CHANCE. Got it?!?! We got it, Adam.
Carson keeps this going and asks Christina why Adam is so right. She likes that the artists get to choose their own song in these performances (totally undermining one of the key points of the show and the coaching concept). She thought Tony (“that’s your name, right?”) did a good job, but she’d also save Cheesa.
Cee-Lo gets to make the call. They’re obviously running short on time but he still babbles on. His mind says Tony but his heart says Cheesa.
Without even formally saying he’s saving Cheesa, Carson announces that Cee-Lo saved: Cheesa. (Apparently his heart matters more than his head.)
It was the right call.
We didn’t lose anyone truly great this week, but it wasn’t all good news: We do have to suffer through at least one more week of Pip and James.
What did you think of the eliminations? Has Adam discovered the meaning of life with his “sing like it’s your last chance” theory? And, most important of all, are you #TeamXtina or #TeamLuccadoes?