Why Chrissy Teigen hosted the Billboard Music Awards? ‘I’m banging a musician’

Surprise! Ludacris and Chrissy Teigen hosted the 2015 Billboard Awards. And why is Chrissy Teigen — Sports Illustrated model — hosting a music awards show?

“I'm banging a musician!” she said enthusiastically at the top of the three-hour televised show.

Yes, sex and music are natural bedfellows. But in order to nip the question “No, really, just why is Chrissy Teigen hosting a music show?” in the bud, the show's writers decided to literally pair Ludacris' artistic credentials with Teigen's résumé: that she beds husband John Legend.

The “All Of Me” muse spent other parts of the introduction with other one-notes: after teasing  performances from Nicki Minaj to Hozier (poor guy, always with the name jabs), the “joke” was the mispronunciation of the word…

“Did I say that right?”

“Minaj,” Ludacris said.

“Oh,” Teigen, part-time food blogger, said through an aw-shucks smile. “I can't do those anymore.”

Then for another intro: “Here's a woman whose butt I touched on the cover of Sports Illustrated…”

And another: “Something we can all relate to is being in love with Uma Thurman.”

And another, introducing Legend as “a guy who is like a brother to me” (lolololol) in a duet with Meghan Trainor: afterward, “That was lot of… natural chemistry up there… I'm a little jealous.”

OH HAI GUYS, I GET IT: The Billboard Music Awards are in Las Vegas! It's supposed to be edgy and a little sexy and unhinged! I don't think anybody who actually gives 2 hollers about the Billboard Music Awards will be offended by sexy talk from a sexy person.

What's sad is airheadedness, and the desperation to make an awards show stand out through the coarsest means possible. Women work hard enough in this industry, when every single sale, every ticket push, every radio hit is fought for, whitened tooth and perfect nail. The fact is, contemporary stars like Taylor Swift nor Jennifer Lopez nor Nicki Minaj nor Rihanna nor Ariana Grande had a Hot 100, Billboard Award, “chart-topper” or a sold-out tour because they “bang a musician.” The juxtaposition makes women's business in a still-sexist and sex-thirsty industry a joke.

Giggling through a night-long gag “I, wifey, am here for sex” is tacky low-hanging fruit. Teigen, while beautiful, is not a good host. It wouldn't be the first time this particular dynamic has existed on television and writing for awards shows, but here we are, in 2015. Hosting is a thankless job; however, it doesn't have to be a disparaging one for pop music fans watching the show.