L.A. Times Tried To Power Rank French Fries And All Hell Broke Loose

I am a person who takes french fries seriously. I have argued with (and threatened physical harm to) colleagues over when they should be eaten. I have power ranked them. I have power ranked their sauces. I have reviewed their sauces. I have….Oh my God, it just occurred to me how much of my job is french fry related and it’s actually freaking me out. Wow. Wowwww. That’s not even all the french fry articles I have written. Okay. Yikes.

Anyway, the point I’m trying to make (after looking over my student loans and yelling things like, “What was the point of taking that 18th century literature class? WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE??!!) is, it turns out, I am not the only one who feels passionate about fast food fries.

Here’s what happened: L.A. Times writer, Lucas Kwan Peterson, decided to have some fun and power rank fast food French fries. And, in doing so, he ranked Five Guys’ fries as the best of the bunch and In-N-Out’s fries dead last, writing:

Before you tell me there’s a way to “hack” these fries, or somehow make them better, either by loading them with American cheese and secret sauce, or by ordering them well-done, I will grant this: It certainly doesn’t make the fries any worse. Just as dumping the fries into a dirt pile on the shoulder of a highway access road and running over that pile with my car would also probably not make the fries any worse.

For what it’s worth, he is absolutely correct on the In-N-Out fries, which I feel so strongly about that they warranted their own article. But everyone on the internet still lost their collective minds because This. Is. The. Internet’s. Best. And. Only. Use. At. This. Point.

It started with the official L.A. Times’ tweet of the article. An intern introduced the article by saying she absolutely disagreed with the list.

Which is a pretty bold move by someone trying to walk away with a recommendation letter after all of this. But she, this In-N-Out loving maverick, was clearly so sure that many people would come to her rescue, that she went for it.

And they did. They really did.

https://twitter.com/AshaAholic/status/1095496222683598848

https://twitter.com/RyanFSloane/status/1095426732079935495

On the other side, people were agreeing and truly praising Peterson for finally taking a stand against bad fries, in his own city, dragging them to Hell where they belong.

https://twitter.com/ScottWamplerBMD/status/1095431525146001408

https://twitter.com/dburka/status/1095545795300909056

And to top off this frenzy, for better or worse (WORSE, IT’S WORSE) In-N-Out is such a Los Angeles Institution that even the mayor weighed in:

So, there you have it. The saga. This is a rough day for the city of Los Angeles as people come out of the woodwork either defending or trashing In-N-Out. It’s brother against brother. Mother against son. Person stuck in traffic against…..another person stuck in traffic. Basically, the city is on lock down. Barrels of fries are being thrown through windows, every fast food restaurant from Santa Monica to East LA is on fire, and also, guys, for real, it’s raining here which is a lot for us. I got a little wet this morning. #PrayforCali.

As for settling the fry controversy, L.A. Times is doing a bracket and allowing people to vote on what fry is actually the best (and worst). So, you can head on over to Twitter and vote your feelings on that one. I would, but I’m currently panic reading the collective 10 million words I’ve written about French fries and weeping….while eating some french fries, of course. I just can’t quit you, fries.