The following is a transcript of a conversation that we found on an old tape recorder in the woods. From what we can piece together from security footage, emails, texts, and friends/family, Brian and Allison headed into the forest on a Tuesday afternoon to settle the debate once and for all. They were never seen again.
And so, one of our century’s greatest mysteries was born, though for our purposes we’re going to focus on the French fry thing.
The important thing to remember here is that I’m not crazy. I’m not. Everything I’m about to say is reasoned and logical and based on years of immersive research. There will probably be a point, perhaps immediately after reading the first sentence of the next paragraph, where you’ll say “This guy is a maniac.” But again, I’m not. I’m normal. Just hear me out.
When you order a burger and french fries, you should eat all of the fries first. Every one of them, or at least as many as you plan to eat, which is probably all of them, because who can stop eating fries. My reasons are simple and can be explained in five bullet points:
- Fries get cold faster than burgers.
- Cold fries are gross.
- Hot crispy fries straight from the fryer are super good.
- A burger is sometimes actually better if it sits for a few minutes because the meat rests and the cheese melts and it all kind of settles together, especially if you get it from a place that wraps it in foil because then everything gets all gooey.
- I am not crazy.
Thank you. I await your rebuttal.