Mixed martial arts, thanks to the vast array of positions and techniques available to competitors, sees a lot of groin attacks. From below-the-belt kicks to nut punches, low-blow attacks will never not be simultaneously funny and cringe-inducing. Let’s take a wincing look at some of the best and worst crotch assaults in MMA’s dumb and brutish history.
One Hitter Quitters – Biggest Single Low Blows
Gabe Gonzaga vs Chris Tuchscherer
This failed Guy Fieri clone took a shot from a cave beast and ended up dry heaving his guts out. Terrifying. Chris probably should have called it a night, but he lumbered back into the fight, only to lose via TKO shortly after the restart.
Gilbert Yvel vs Wanderlei Silva
About five seconds into this fight, Silva kicks Yvel in the groin, which is kind of a shocker, since Yvel is more known for illegal attacks. After a lot of grimacing, Yvel is determined to be unable to continue. Incidentally enough, it was after this bout that two of Yvel’s three disqualification losses took place, so this might have been the low blow that destroyed Gilbert’s tenuous connection to fighting fair. That’s a life changing low blow!
George Sotiropolous vs Shinya Aoki
G-Sots is a decent grappler, but he was super outclassed on the ground against Aoki. He spent the entire first round defending from various submission attempts, and managed to survive. As the second round began, George simply walked forward and punted Aoki right between the legs, ending the bout. In other words, Sotiropolous took Aoki’s balls and went home with a DQ loss.
Francimar Barroso vs Ryan Jimmo
Even more dry heaving from a muscle-bound baldman! Jimmo somehow recovered to lose a decision and get cut from the UFC.
Lauren Murphy vs Sarah D’Alelio
Holy wowzers, a girl groin shot! Thankfully Julie Kedzie was there to explain that, yes, this does hurt women as well instead of King Mo and Mauro Ranallo awkwardly giggling.
Mutually Assured Destruction – Everyone needs an icepack in these fights
Eric Prindle vs Thiago Santos
Bellator tournaments are a funny thing. In a heavyweight bash, with Prindle on his back, Santos threw a kick aimed at Eric’s butthole, but hit mostly cup. The fight was called off, and a rematch was scheduled. When that finally happened (There were some really dumb shenanigans that took place, but that’s a story for another time), Santos found himself on his back. Despite the referee warning Prindle to refrain from attacking the groin, Big Red dropped the mother of all axe kicks, directly onto Thiago’s Big Monster. How bad was it? Thiago’s pelvis was fractured as a result!
Des Green vs Steven Siler
In a featherweight title fight, these two were more intent on making sure neither man could have children again instead of leaving that night with the belt. Siler landed three low blows to Green’s two, but rest assured, each and every one of those strikes was significant.
Clifford Starks vs Jake Huen
Like minds think alike, and these minds apparently thought about kneeing the other guy in the pills really hard. Maybe the best double donger in the world.
Fancy Times – Groin Attacks with Flash and Panache
Roger Hollett vs Fabio Maldonado
Maldonado is one of my favorites for his tendency to walk forward, eat a million punches to the face and just tee off on his opponents’ bodies. In this fight, late replacement jerk Roger Hollett started the fight with a spinning back kick to the groin. Roger Hollett, you absolutely suck!
Kaew Fairtex vs Ilias Buliad
This one almost didn’t count, since it’s from kickboxing, but it was too perfect not to include. Buliad throws a right high kick that Fairtex dodges, but Ilias is instantly looking for a spinning back kick. Unfortunately, Kaew is in the midst of throwing a low kick at the same time, and catches Buliad between the legs from behind. Yowch!
Edson Barboza vs Paul Felder
I was really hyped for this fight when it got announced. Two spinny KO guys were supposed to spin in opposite directions until someone went to sleep. Instead, the most notable thing in the fight was Barboza landing a spinning groin kick. Ouch, right in Felder’s Irish Dragon balls!
Ze Wu vs Jianbing Yang
There are literally no words for this. It’s pure poetry and artistic brilliance. Soak it in, friends. All hail Ze Wu and his awesome flips.
Multi-Ball! – One Guy, Multiple Low Blows in a Single Fight
Teddy Violet vs Michihiro Omigawa
Poor, poor Omigawa. At least his fights were already punctuated by the shrieks of his many children, so there’s not a concern now after those loud as heck kicks.
Gary Goodridge vs Pedro Otavio
Back in the day when there weren’t really rules – just vague suggestions of what a fighter could or couldn’t do in a contest – Goodridge spent a lot of time with his feet inside his opponent’s combat undies. Nothing about this looks correct. Cheese ‘n peas, Gary!
Cheick Kongo vs Mirko Cro Cop
A legend like Mirko Cro Cop doesn’t deserve this, but Kongo doesn’t care about legends or their old junks. I think it’s an ancient savate technique that he learned from a wizened combat instructor for the French Foreign Legion.
The Ur-Nut Shot: The Original, the One that Started the Trend
Keith Hackney vs Joe Son
Remember, you should never feel bad for Joe Son. He is a convicted rapist and alleged murderer. Nobody knew that back in 1993, but Keith Hackney probably felt an evil force eminating from Son. Thus, the most tremendous display of groin attack ever unleashed in a fight. God bless you, Keith Hackney.