Lindsay Lohan Pitched A ‘Mean Girls’ Sequel To Tina Fey And You Won’t BELIEVE Something Something

09.24.14 4 years ago 33 Comments
Aw, remember 2004?

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Aw, remember 2004?

Are you ready for some tantalizing, clickable, movie-related news for you to share with all of your friends and acquaintances? Well I hope you brought a leather belt to bite down on, because this bit of movie gossip is so grand-mal that you may actually swallow your tongue once you’ve finished reading it. Are you ready for that? Do you think you can handle that? I hope so, because you’re gonna need some strong chronic to recover from the tonic-clonic that will undoubtedly be produced by this epic piece of movie news that I’m about to lay on all you b*tches. So buckle-the-fu*k-up, Filmdrunk readers, because this gem of a story is gonna have you trembling and foaming at the mouth like a rabid chihuahua. Ready? OK, here it is! The Huffington Post reported via Time Out London that this one time Lindsay Lohan pitched Tina Fey an idea for a sequel to Mean Girls!

What? Are you limp-dick jabronies pooning-out already? That information was in the title of the story! I haven’t even gotten to the juicy bits. The bits that are gonna make your junk fill with so much cream that people will think you were made by Hostess. I can feel my twinkie flood with filling just thinking about typing the words. In fact, I don’t think I can type the words. At this point, I’m at cream-pacity and for me to write one more word about this story might cause me to burst open like a bloated whale carcass. That’s not fair to me, and that’s not fair to anyone in this cafe. So I’m just going to quote the Huffington Post story. Warning: Reading these next sentences may change everything you thought you knew about everything you thought you knew. It may cause you to go home and shoot your lover and then yourself:

Lohan told Time Out London, “People really love the movie: how do you top that? I was with Tina Fey [‘Mean Girls’ writer] the other day and I said we should do another ‘Mean Girls,’ like an older version where they’re all housewives and they’re all cheating. That would be really funny. I’ll harass Tina to write it.”

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Can you believe that sh*t!? Crazy! Ya know, sometimes in this movie news reporting game you get handed a story so profound and life changing that you start to question whether or not it’s responsible for you to share it with the world. But not me. There wasn’t any doubt in my mind that the people needed to know. It isn’t just our right, but our responsibility as Americans to know that one time Lindsay Lohan asked Tina Fey to make a Mean Girls sequel where everyone was a cheating housewife. I only hope that people share this story with friends and that we don’t forget what happened that day. Because those who forget the past, are doomed to repeat it.

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