Oh Jesus: Sony Is Bidding On A ‘Robin Hood Universe’ In ‘The Style Of The Avengers And Fast Furious’

Just when we were all riding high on the good vibes of a David Fincher movie being number one at the box office, and with it the thought that maybe art and commerce can coexist, Sony had to burst through the wall like the Kool-Aid man to remind us rubes that the main driver in the film industry is still finding a property that will appeal to a Chinese 12-year-old. The Hollywood Reporter reports that Sony is in talks to buy a pitch for an Avengers-universe-style Robin Hood movie with the “tone” of the Fast & Furious movies. Which reminds me, execs have no idea what will appeal to a Chinese 12-year-old.

Sony is in the midst of making a seven-figure deal to buy a pitch centering on Robin Hood. Cory Goodman and Jeremy Lott are behind the pitch, which is titled Hood.

Of course it is. Not to be confused, of course, with Warner Bros’ gritty Peter Pan reboot, Pan. If either of these work out, it’s only a matter of time before we get a 300-style origin story for Dumpty, and Muffet, starring spread-eagle Jessica Alba as a sexy assassin fighting an army of spider people. Sh*t, I should’ve pitched that to Sony.

The figure for the deal, according to sources, is $1 million against $2 million, while producer deals are still being negotiated.

One reason for the high price is that the pitch involves the magic words “universe” and “Avengers.” The plan is to make a series of movies focusing on the outlaw archer and his band of Merry Men: Little John, Friar Tuck and Will Scarlett. One could say they were the superhero team of England’s Middle Ages.

“Just imagine ‘Sherwood Forest’ as a ‘Galaxy,’ and these guys are its ‘Guardians,’ so to speak.”

The tone of the story has been described as Mission: Impossible and the recent Fast & Furious movies.

Question: How in the f*ck does a “pitch” have a “tone?” In this context, “tone” is just two guys describing the story they haven’t written yet in terms of how successful they want it to be, right? That’s cool, I’d like to bake a cake. I don’t know what’s in it yet, but I’d like it to be in the vein of Morimoto, Bobby Flay, and In N Out burger. Now pay me a million dollars.

Goodman wrote the vampire movie Priest and the Black List script The Last Witch Hunter, which is in production with Vin Diesel starring. He also is rebooting the Underworld franchise.

I could not have come up with a more ridiculous resume than that through mad libs.

Lott wrote The Falling, a supernatural mystery set up at Warners with Zac Efron attached to star. [HollywoodReporter]

Well, with a pedigree like these two have, I can’t imagine how this could go wrong. These seem like just the guys to set up that Robin Hood franchise that Ridley Scott and Russell Crowe couldn’t get off the ground. I’m going to repost the Priest trailer here because while you have surely forgotten about it, it’s important to understand what we’re dealing with here.

“So, it’s like this motorcycling, futuristic vampire slayer, but also in the old west with Clint Eastwood and some ninjas, with crucifix throwing stars.”

Man. If these guys actually pull this off, each of them will be a real… (*sunglasses*) prince of thieves.