Over the past year, we wrote about Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson a lot. And I mean a lot. In the heady days of 2015 (you know, back when we definitely considered Donald Trump’s presidential aspirations laughable at best), it seemed like the Rock’s star couldn’t rise much higher. Never one to back down from a challenge, not only did he match his accomplishments of last year, but he totally blew them out of the water. Let’s all take a look back at just a few of the ways Dwayne turned the candy ass year 2016 truly into the Year of the Rock.
He’s Too Sexy For This Listicle
Move over, Mark Harmon! There’s a new kid on the block, and he never skips leg day. Back in November, The Rock was officially named the Sexiest Man Alive by People Magazine. “Uhhhh, DUH!” responded every mom everywhere.
He Nabbed A Star On The Hollywood Walk Of Fame
To think it took those fat cats in Hollywood this long to give him his own star. Sad!
He Now Makes More Money Than Us Mere Mortals Will Ever See
Thanks to blockbusters like San Andreas and those Fast and/or Furious movies, The Rock beat out international superstar Jackie Chan as Forbes’ highest paid actor in the world. Not only that, but with his $64.5 million in earnings in twelve months, he became the highest paid celebrity of any kind. With more movies still being added to his already insane shooting schedule, and features like the Jumanji and Baywatch remakes, we’re pretty sure he’s not going to surrender that title anytime soon.
His Hustle Was Unmatched
Somehow, in between shooting movies, working out, and playing with his adorable dog, Rocky somehow found the time to increase his own personal brand. He gave his Instagram followers a sneak peek at the shoe he designed for Under Armour, launched his own YouTube channel (for his very own production company), and even released his own alarm clock app. Like, I feel pretty accomplished if I manage to go to the gym AND do dishes in the same day, so when I say he puts all of our multitasking skills to shame, I really mean it. I believe we’ve also solved the mystery of why I do not make $64 million dollars at anything.
He Still Manages To Have A Sense Of Humour
You would think a super cool, super jacked, super rich guy with a super amount of things on the go would be a total dick, but man, he can’t even give us that. He’s become an infamous on-set prankster, especially to his pocket-sized co-star Kevin Hart. He even helped keep things light when Jumanji production had to be shut down due to a “rice emergency.” He can even do a baller (eh? ehhhhhhhh??) set of Disney character impressions, because of course he can.
Speaking Of Disney …
Not only was Disney’s Moana a critical and box office success, but it launched The Rock into a whole new ranking system to make us feel totally inadequate: the Billboard Hot 100. The Rock’s Moana tune “You’re Welcome” entered the charts at #83, as well as debuting at #42 on the Digital Song Sales Chart.
Oh, And He Also Found Time To Make A Record-Breaking Appearance At WrestleMania
The former WWE World Champion found the time to make several stops back at his old WWE stomping grounds, specifically during his record-breaking appearance at WrestleMania 32. Aside from setting the record for the shortest match in ‘Mania history (sorry, Wyatt Family), he also brought back fellow mom-fave John Cena, who until that point had been recovering from surgery and making tiny animals race each other on TODAY (his true calling if we’re gonna get really real here). The Rock even got an apology from Cena for calling him a “part-timer,” and got WWE to change their stance on a bunch of cosplayers the Rock (and maybe a lot of drugs) had fun with at ringside. Here’s an idea: maybe instead of humiliating them, The Rock could finally be the one to get the Wyatt Family over? It’s worth a shot.
He’s So Nice You Can’t Even Resent Him
Looking at all of the ways someone has thrived in what has arguably been a horrible dumpster fire of a year is enough to make anyone bitter and resentful, but good ol’ Dwayne, he’s gotta go and be a great guy and leave us grasping at straws to publicly say a bad thing about him. For instance, remember when he met a security guard on the set of Ballers who related the story of how a chance meeting with The Rock had helped his father have a blissful, pain-free day during his battle with cancer? Or what about when he took a moment out of his day to make Arian Foster’s mom completely lose her sh*t? Too busy filming to do a good deed? Nope, that certainly didn’t stop him from visiting a bunch of sick kids in the hospital. He’s gotta hit the talk show circuit? Why not give a military couple a surprise reunion after being separated for a year and a half?
Now … look. There’s no sense in feeling bad that your 2016 didn’t even come close to the happiness and success that The Rock’s did. If we learned anything from the press release about his Rock Clock, he wants you to keep on that grind in 2017. And hey, maybe you too can one day find your own Kevin Hart to make you look handsome and very tall in photos. Keep reaching for the stars, kids.