Tiger Woods Leaves the Players Club

Pro Wrestling Editor
05.12.11 5 Comments

Tiger Woods has withdrawn from The Players Championship after a terrible nine holes, citing leg injuries. Woods was noticably limping with each hole, using his clubs for support, and shot a whopping 42 on the front nine including a triple bogey. The guy is obviously not at a hundred percent and I believe him, but this is all very similar to my “argh my hand is killing me” excuse when I start throwing gutter-balls at the bowling alley.

Reports say Woods handed his scorecard to PGA champion Martin Kaymer after taking a bogey on the par-5 ninth and walked back to inform Matt Kuchar that he was leaving early for the second straight year (“I’m having a hard time walking,” said Woods), but at the risk of sounding like bad stand-up from the early 90s, I think the conversation was handled by text, and I think it went a little something, uh-like this:

/turns around, waves hands in front of face

Tiger: Hey Sexy I can’t play today. Something came up leg wise

Kuchar: That’s okay I hope everything is fine … would have liked to see you

Tiger: We will make it happen

Kuchar: I drove all the way to ponte vedra beach to award the winner

Tiger: what kind of award your naked body

Kuchar: what

Tiger: send me a pic

Kuchar: of the golf course?

Kuchar: miss u playin (May 12, 1:38 p.m.)

Tiger: now that’s hot so who is your new boy toy

Kuchar: no new boy toy … are you talking about nick watney

Tiger: I need you

Kuchar: you are terrible at sexting

Tiger: I will wear you out soon

Tiger: you just need some attention from me

Tiger: do you have a boy friend

Of course, the easier joke is that Tiger injured himself performing the rigorous tasks of golf, which include standing, moving your arms, and walking a slight distance. Maybe Tiger’s Achilles tendons are attached to his pride.

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