You Can’t Write That On FanHouse

I spent three and a half years writing Dugouts for AOL FanHouse, and only a few topics were taboo. One was the FanHouse Fantasy Girls. I could more or less slander MLB players on a regular basis, but I couldn’t have an ill-dressed stripper reading box scores. I also wanted to make fun of the writing style of Terence Moore.

But do you think they’d let me do that?

Even in a Dugout?

Uh uh.

I don’t think so.

But the most taboo topic of all was Jay Mariotti, the former Chicago Sun-Times columnist and ESPN personality who joined FanHouse in 2009 to write judgmental pieces about athletes who commit spousal abuse and beat the sh** out of his own girlfriend. I wanted to do a Dugout about Tony Reali awarding Jay points for convincingly dragging around his girlfriend by the hair, with Woody Paige getting all jealous and writing “beat wife” on his chalkboard. That doesn’t sound too bad, does it?

No. Uh uh. (sorry, Terence.)

The good news is that Jay won’t stop being a creep, and now I’m not working for the people who helped kill WCW so I can say whatever I want. Mariotti was in court on Wednesday and plead not guilty to three new felony charges: stalking, corporal injury on a spouse or domestic partner, and assault by means likely to produce great bodily injury. The Los Angeles Times said if he’s convicted, he’ll face up to five years in state prison. His lawyer says they are “complete fabrications.” Who to believe, who to believe.

In addition to confronting his ex-girlfriend at a restaurant Sept. 30 — the day he pleaded no contest to one count of misdemeanor domestic violence — prosecutors said he argued with his former girlfriend again outside of a Venice restaurant April 15. He allegedly pulled a chunk of her hair out and grabbed her cellphone, while shouting at her, prosecutors said.

As part of a deal reached in the original case with the Los Angeles city attorney’s office, six other misdemeanor counts against Mariotti were dismissed — four domestic-violence-related counts, grand theft and false imprisonment.

So, to catch you up, Jay Mariotti assaulted his girlfriend in August, confronted her at a restaurant a month later on the day courts told him to leave her alone, then confronted her again at a different restaurant LAST month, allegedly ripping out her hair. When a guy has a history of domestic violence, you can usually take out the “allegedly.” Even better, you can start throwing in stuff to make it worse. Jay Mariotti met her an Olive Garden on May 3rd and attacked her with a morningstar.

Regardless of what can and cannot be said (and the Internet still isn’t the Wild West, as much as Red Dead Redemption made me want it to be), people who beat up their girlfriends for any reason deserve to go to prison. The first time he got off with probation and community service, which is funny, because I’m not sure the judge realized what Jay’s idea of “community service” is. This time maybe we can hit the mute button on him forever.

Grow the f**k up, Jay. I don’t care who you are. Or were, I guess. And Terence Moore, I swear to God I will fight you in the streets.

[H/T Foul Balls]