Power Ranking Apple’s 10 Most Downloaded Apps of 2017

“Okay,” Steve Bramucci says to me on Slack at the end of my first week back from maternity leave, “You can rank Apple’s most downloaded apps of 2017. But ease into it. DON’T MAKE IT AS ABSURD AS YOUR NORMAL RANKINGS.

And I didn’t. I mean, not once did I graphically describe a child being run over by an ice cream truck. Oh shoot. I guess I did a little just there. But like not really. I haven’t stored up three months of horrible things to add to power rankings while singing sweet lullabies to my tiny baby.

Not at all. ha. ha. ha. I’m not a monster. I’m a nice writer. With nice things to say….I swear.

Anyway, here goes!

Apple just revealed the most downloaded Apps of 2017! So we’re power ranking them from worst to best. Most of them aren’t very surprising. Except bitmoji which I find wildly surprising. And to be honest, kind of upsetting. But the rest are about what you’d expect. And until someone creates an app that automatically photoshops your cat’s head onto various celebrities, I guess it’ll stay that way. With apps like Facebook and Snapchat on top. Sigh.

Here are your favorite apps of 2017…Power. Ranked.

10. Bitmoji (#1 for downloads)

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We looked like our #bitmoji today!

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That this is the MOST downloaded app of 2017 means that we are really, really full of ourselves. We can’t use a regular emoji to convey our thoughts/emotions, WE NEED ONE OF OUR OWN FACE. Currently, I have a three month old baby who is obsessed with looking at himself in a mirror. I guess many of us ever get out of that stage. At the end of the day, we are ALL my three month old baby, just staring at our face, in awe that it exists and it is ours. This is the modern equivalent of us being obsessed with finding our names on a novelty license plate at Six Flags when we were 10, and I have to say, I don’t like it.