The 10 Most Embarrassing Early TV Roles For This Year’s Oscar Nominees

Earlier today, Ryan shared a video of this year’s Academy Award nominees in some less-than-award-winning roles, or “we have The Bill Engvall Show to thank for helping launch the career of Jennifer Lawrence.” That’s both the truth…AND A LIE SUCK IT RYAN. That’s because years before Lawrence was on the TBS sitcom, she was doing something far more demeaning to get by. Christian Bale and Amy Adams, too. And even Cate Blanchett. What were these humiliating parts? You’ll have to scroll find out.

10. Bradley Cooper — Sex and the City

All things considered, getting your first TV gig on Sex and the City, a show that some still want to slap the “quality programming” label onto, isn’t THAT BAD. But the specifics of the character Cooper played, Jake, are THAT BAD: he’s about to hook up with Carrie, until he sees an unflattering photo of her on a magazine cover and calls off the one-night-stand. I mean, Carrie, really? Cooper is SUCH a Samantha.

9. Jared Leto — Camp Wilder

Camp Wilder, the Ernest Goes to the Camp of the Van Wilder franchise, holds the dreaded distinction of being a “failed TGIF sitcom.” That, despite the presence of Hilary Swank and Shirtless Jared Leto, who a lifetime of TV has taught me probably played a bad buy with a heart of gold. He’ll steal a guitar, then play you a song. Either that, or Leto was picked in a game of Shirtless Roulette among casting directors.

8. Cate Blanchett — Tim Tams commercial

In America, we get Steve from Full House summoning Robin Williams; in Australia, they got Cate Blanchett and the Tim Tam Genie. Personally, I’d rather have the cookies than the Groucho impressions.

7. Leonardo DiCaprio — The New Lassie

The New Lassie is actually the second most successful of the SIX Lassie TV series since the original back in 1954. Blonde Leo apparently can’t believe such shocking news. Also, one of the show’s stars, Wendy Cox (now Hagen), has a blog where she discussed her experience not meeting Leo: “Before he got all famous, Leonardo DiCaprio made a guest appearance on the show I was on, The New Lassie. I didn’t have any scenes with him and I can’t remember if I even met him then. We later went on to have an acting class together and then I guest starred opposite him on Growing Pains. And no, we don’t keep in touch so don’t go asking me for an Prius autographed by Leo.” I was hoping for some authentic butt coke, but point taken.

6. Sandra Bullock — Bionic Showdown: The Six Million Dollar Man and the Bionic Woman

Bionic Showdown: The Six Million Dollar Man and the Bionic Woman is kind of like Gravity, if Gravity was about a former paraplegic who “receives cybernetic implants” and competes in the worst race of all-time against an ironically even-more-robotic-looking Soviet woman. So basically Gravity.

5. Jonah Hill — Allen Gregory

This wasn’t an early role for Jonah Hill (he had already starred in Superbad) but Allen Gregory is probably the most embarrassing name an Oscar nominee has been involved with, and that includes Atisone Seiuli.

4. Matthew McConaughey — Unsolved Mysteries

I know what you’re thinking. The two FLAWLESS robbers: #TrueDetectiveSeason2.

3. Amy Adams — Banking commercial

Amy Adams’ career arc: from good girl Sandy in a banking commercial to bad girl Sandy in American Hustle.

2. Christian Bale — Pac-Man Cereal commercial

Eh, still not as embarrassing as Newsies.

1. Jennifer Lawrence — My Super Sweet 16 promo

Rumor has it Jennifer Lawrence is taking a year off from acting. The Internet’s girlfriend will be missed, but she’s earned the break. J-Law has been working almost non-stop since 2009, when she wrapped up The Bill Engvall Show and began filming Winter’s Bone. But her career goes back even further, though: she got her SAG card as a 14-year-old in a 2004 promo for MTV’s My Super Sweet 16. (A 14-year-old having a Sweet 16 party? I don’t know what to believe anymore.) Keep her age in mind when you think about making a “balls dropping” joke.