The best part of Monday night’s game between the Vikings and Niners did not occur on the field or in the locker room or in the stands. No, sir. It occurred on one man’s live blog. You see, the Guardian asked Australian reporter Matt Cleary to cover Jarryd Hayne’s first NFL regular season game. Hayne, if you recall, is the rugby league star who made the Niners squad after an impressive preseason.
For reference:
But let’s get back to Cleary, who doesn’t know a lick about American football. Here are just some of the gems in the live blog:
I don’t admit to knowing a motherlode about American football but I do know there’s a third-string punt returner and/or running back playing called Jarryd “Hayne Plane and/or Train” Hayne, wearer of the most famous No38 in Australian sports history.
Here’s the Hayne Plane! His first touch in the NFL. And… he drops it? Oh my goodness me, he drops it! His first touch is a fumble! He’s grassed it. Oh my.
Vikings … throw to Ellison in the middle, another massive human, he grasses it. Straight at his chest. Dropped it colder than tea.
OK, where are we. Half-time still. Is there entertainment? Do we see Madonna game one of Monday Night Football? Maybe Bjork? David Bowie?? We may never know.
Righto. Vikings ball. They have 9:30 to do something. Teddy Bridgewater has been solid without being the reincarnation of … oh here we go, who? Joe Namath. I’m going with Joe Namath. But he’s been good Teddy. Interception! Sorry Teddy, commentator’s curse.
And the Vikings get to have a shot at goal. Wow 63 yards, that’s a long way. There’s another break, however, before old mate gets to have a shot. Teams swap. I think. Special ones come on. And there’s only one linebacker … hang on… what’s doing? The Vikings are going to run instead … they throw to a man … and … is that it? That’s it. Half-time! Funny game, National Football League. It’s San Francisco 49ers 7 leading Minnesota Vikings nought. Nort. One of them.
Jarryd Hayne “Plane” finished the game with 20 yards from scrimmage and one fumble. Not the kind of debut he was looking for, but certainly an entertaining one because of Cleary’s live blog. If nothing else, we’ve learned that someone who knows nothing about football is more entertaining than someone who “pretends” to know something about football.
Commentators take note, Matt Cleary is coming for your job.
[Guardian]