Paramount Is Remaking 'Explorers' Because We Can't Have Nice Things

Hollywood just won’t stop making questionable remakes, like the Road House reboot or a “romantic” version of 1984 starring Kristen Stewart. Now Paramount wants to remake Explorers, the 1985 Joe Dante sci-fi about Ethan Hawke, River Phoenix, and some non-famous kid (Jason Presson) building a space ship. Because audiences in 2014 will totally believe kids with no money or engineering degrees can create a working space program.

Better yet, Paramount is making it through their low-budget label, Insurge. Even better, it’s from Geoff Moore and Dave Posamentier, who have only written one movie (Better Living Through Chemistry) which hasn’t even opened yet. Even better, Paramount is taking cues from a f**king Michael Bay movie. Says THR:

Details on what the 21st century version of Explorers will look like are being kept under wraps, though an insider said one template could be in the tone of Welcome to Yesterday, an upcoming movie produced by Michael Bay’s Platinum Dunes and directed by Dean Israelite that has been wowing execs at the studio. Yesterday revolves around teens who construct a time machine.

I want to take this project to The Viper Room.