Gwyneth Paltrow And Chris Martin Have Called It Quits In A Blog Post On GOOP

In a blog post entitled, “Conscious Uncoupling,” on the website GOOP, actress Gwyneth Paltrow and her husband and Coldplay frontman Chris Martin have announced that they have separated. GOOP, of course, is Paltrow’s own newsletter website on which she offers advice and information for a better life, her favorite expensive products and lots of other useful things that you can’t see right now, because their announcement has crashed the website.

Fortunately, I was able to grab the post before the site went down, because otherwise it would have been really awkward when I made it all up by just writing, “They were both yellow*” over and over.

It is with hearts full of sadness that we have decided to separate. We have been working hard for well over a year, some of it together, some of it separated, to see what might have been possible between us, and we have come to the conclusion that while we love each other very much we will remain separate.

We are, however, and always will be a family, and in many ways we are closer than we have ever been. We are parents first and foremost, to two incredibly wonderful children and we ask for their and our space and privacy to be respected at this difficult time.

We have always conducted our relationship privately, and we hope that as we consciously uncouple and coparent, we will be able to continue in the same manner.

This is obviously sad news for everyone who escapes from their own realities by wrapping themselves up in the relationships of celebrities, so I’ll refrain from any further jokes and just leave us all with one of my favorite Coldplay songs, “Paradise.”

*That was Vince’s joke, but I don’t care.