Let's Take A Moment To Celebrate The Great March Madness Tradition Of Vasectomies

It’s a time-honored tradition for media outlets across the country, from local news anchors providing us all with a light-hearted, zany news story to the big dogs like CNN getting all medical on our asses, reporting about how men like to get vasectomies right before the NCAA Tournament starts. Every year, it’s usually the same song and dance, as people report about it like it’s a brand new practice, but guys have been scheduling their snips just in time for March Madness for a long time, because it means that they can spend a few days on the couch watching basketball, all because they have a legitimate medical excuse to do so.

Last week, CNN got the balls rolling by dusting off the annual news story and adding some new interviews for the sake of freshness. This time, they spoke with 40-year old Mike LaSalle, who had just had a vasectomy on the previous Friday, while Dr. Ed Sabanegh of the Cleveland Clinic dropped the big time statistics on us, claiming that he sees a 50 percent increase when it comes to vasectomies scheduled in March. CNN is hardly alone, though.

WKRC in Cincinnati spoke to the Cleveland Clinic last week as well to get some basic info about men preferring to get the procedure done for the first days of the tourney, while CBS New York spoke to a man named Jeremy Stetler who had also just had the procedure performed. His excuse? “I got a vasectomy on Tuesday because I figured it was time to stop having kids.” Deadspin went a step further and had a doctor actually explain the process so all the dudes and bros know what they’re getting themselves into, but that’s nothing compared to the radio station that let its listeners actually vote on a group of guys to get a vasectomy, courtesy of that station’s “Vasectomy Madness” contest.

Of course, it’s hard to top the king when it comes to breaking down the absurd relationship between March Madness and vasectomies, as Stephen Colbert grabbed this thing by the balls on a 2010 edition of “The Sport Report.”

The thing about these procedures, though, at least what makes them so darn funny to most of us, is the advertising that a lot of the clinics use to reach a wider audience. For example, KVAL in Oregon spoke with a doctor from the Oregon Urology Institute about this unique trend, and they highlighted the kind of advertising that the OUI uses.

In case you want to skip the formalities of the news report and just get right to the twig and berries of the OUI’s special brand of marketing, here is one of the “Snip City” radio ads by itself. Keep in mind, this is absolutely real.

The smaller clinics don’t necessarily have the resources to make TV and radio spots, so they have to settle with the archaic method of advertising in a newspaper. Check out this report on a Wisconsin clinic that was really appealing to our love of basketball with a snazzy pun.

Really, though, the offer of pizza has become the most common of all of these deals, as there were plenty of news reports about the Urology Associates of Cape Cod a few years back, just because they were offering a free pie with every vasectomy just in time for the big dance.

That’s the kind of deal that keeps on giving, because here’s a recent ad from the Northeast Georgia Urological Associates for a free pizza and a bag of frozen peas.

Dr. Stanley Gahring is offering the pizza, bag of frozen peas AND a 2-liter bottle of soda. You’re almost an idiot not to take his deal.

Check out this 3-point shot plan from Urology Specialty Care in Kentucky, as they busted out the puns to sell their deal.

The puns are really what make the ads all that special, as you can see here in not one “Vas Madness” ad…

But TWO “Vas Madness” ads.

Virginia Urology went with the far more direct Vasectomy Madness for its domain.

But this Urology Team more than made up for it by doubling down on the puns with both the “Vas Madness” and “The Vasters,” for the golf fan that wants a snip and a snip.

The Iowa Clinic doesn’t have any free pizza or zany puns, but they do have this adorable graphic that shows how little basketball babies can drive any man to want to have his reproductive abilities shut down.

The Oxford Urology Associates also have a graphic, but it’s not cute. In fact, it makes me cringe. Please don’t tear my basketballs off, guys.

So keep the ads and deals coming, urologists of America. As much as we love watching underdogs like Dayton inspire their students to flip cars and invoke the wrath of the riot police, we also love some awesome puns about our testicles and pizza. Lots and lots of pizza.