What Else Is That Big Red Planet Of Mystery Called Mars Hiding From Us?

By now you’ve probably the heard the huge news that NASA has been teasing in headlines so intriguing that No. 7 might even make our jaws drop – there’s water on Mars! Okay, well maybe there isn’t actually water currently flowing on the red planet that has long served as humanity’s science fiction backup plan, but there is evidence that a “salty liquid water” might flow during the planet’s “warm seasons.” You know what that means, though… ugh, tourists. And NASA’s master plan, of course, is to put Crocs down on Mars sometime in the 2030s, which would come after the end of Kanye West’s second term as President of the United States, so it’s safe to say that people will be practically begging to volunteer for that mission.

The evidence of water is certainly satisfying news to the people who have been freaking out over every image and video that NASA has provided. Space enthusiasts and conspiracy theorists were basically convincing themselves of the existence of life, from rats and lizards to that mysterious ghost woman (who is my pick for People’s Sexiest Woman Alive next year). Naturally, scientists and aspiring Mars colonists want NASA to include DNA sequencers in the next mission, so we can know for sure if there are any living organisms on Mars. However, as a person who has seen Ghosts of Mars at least 12 times, I have to strongly object based on the potential for releasing the spirits of Martian warriors. At least send Ice Cube first.

For more on meddling with Martian powers that we can never comprehend, anchors Tom Storey and Briana Lane weigh in on today’s episodes of The Desk.