This Week In Absurd Trade Rumors: The Celtics Can Totally Get Klay Thompson

11.14.16 3 weeks ago 2 Comments

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The 2016-17 NBA trade deadline is 3 p.m. ET on Thursday, Feb. 23. Obviously, that’s a long time from now, but in the NBA media, time is an asset and luxury, because the more time we have, the more time we can make up rumors about DeMarcus Cousins being shipped out of Sacramento. And this season, more than ever, there will be Boogie rumors galore (and headlines like “Boogie Mights” or “Kissing Cousins Goodbye” or “Time to flick the Boogie”).

This season’s rumor mill is already running at full speed with Cousins trades and some other “reports” that make very little sense, and even some that are hilariously fake. Normally, we wouldn’t need to point out the fake rumors, but because of some truly crafty SEO work by garbage websites, they end up spreading like a virus unleashed on the unsuspecting world by a Bond villain. But, amazingly, the biggest rumor of this young season comes from the White Mamba, Brian Scalabrine.

Finger-quotes report: Brian Scalabrine has Klay Thompson heading to the Boston Celtics

Brian Scalabrine, a Celtics analyst for CSNNE, recently told SiriusXM’s NBA Radio what he “heard” about Golden State Warriors shooting guard Klay Thompson:

I heard Klay Thompson might be available…

And no one will even bother listening to the words that come next, like “That can’t be true” or “I don’t know why they do it,” because Scalabrine also claims he “heard” that his Celtics are in on Thompson and that’s enough to start a five-alarm trade machine fire. The Warriors, he says, need rim protection, and it makes sense because, as he explains in the above CSN video, they’re not doing so well on defense, despite being 8-2. Scalabrine claims to have some actual sources and therefore knows the supposed deal on the table:

Celtics get: Klay Thompson
Warriors get: Jae Crowder, Avery Bradley, and the Brooklyn Nets’ first round pick

This doesn’t do anything to address rim protection, obviously, but Scalabrine then assumes Golden State would flip the draft pick for Nerlens Noel, because he is also supposedly on the move. That’s a lot of work for the Warriors, who, again, are 8-2, but forget all of that.

Scalabrine forgot to mention this important detail:

To recap: Scalabrine has some sources, just not sources who say this deal is a thing that might actually happen. In fact, one might wonder where Scalabrine originally read this rumor…

We’re all going to feel like jerks if the Celtics pull this off and/or the Supermoon kills us all.

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