Have you ever sat down to play a game of “Madden” or “Call of Duty”, and thought, “You know, this is fun, but it’d be even more fun if I could put down real money and lose it to total strangers over the Internet who do nothing but obsessively play this game”? Well, Richard Branson, and his relentlessly unfortunately named Virgin corporation has just the ticket for you: VirginGaming.com.
VirginGaming is trying to serve as a (groan) social network for gaming, where they can compete for cash, ego, or…Virgin Points. We’re going to come back to those later. But first we want to talk about how badly thought out this service is, because clearly it has not struck anybody over at the House of Branson that people who play video games might also be good with computers and prone to cheating.
You see, the website uses a proprietary process called the Game Validator, and offers a Fair Play Guarantee. In other words, they have issued 4Chan a challenge. Apparently none of these people have been around the (emotional) twelve year olds you mostly find on XBL or PSN; here’s my psychic prediction of a service call Virgin Gaming will inevitably receive:
CSR: “Hello, Virgin Gaming, how many I help you?”
Bitter Gamer: “Hi, I’d like to report cheating on my Halo 3 match.”
CSR: “All right, sir, could you describe the problem?”
Bitter Gamer: “The other player won. Obviously he is using haxxors.”
CSR: “Wow…I didn’t know people actually said that out loud. Did you see any noclip or anything unusual?”
Bitter Gamer: “You don’t understand. Nobody is better than me at Halo 3. I can not have lost. There were hacks!”
CSR: “Sir, if you don’t have any evidence…”
Bitter Gamer: “THERE WERE HACKS! HE CAN’T BE BETTER THAN ME! NOBODY IS BETTER THAN ME! MY MOM TOLD ME SO!”
We’re sure the guys over at Virgin Gaming mean well, but if you’ve ever played a game of Halo where absolutely nothing was on the line, and seen grown men with families freak out like Chester the Molester had just been hired as their pediatrician…yeah, put money on top of ego, and we see this ending in fire.
Which brings us back to those Virgin Points. In light of what it takes to be truly competitive at a game (namely hours upon hours of grinding, soulless practice)…we can’t think of a more apt name for the people who are going to earn the most of these. Well done, gentlemen.
[ via Kotaku ]