We’re going to start this one real slow for everyone whose head is already throbbing just from reading the headline: Millennials, currently the most reviled generation for reasons that have yet to become truly apparent (but are becoming more and more clear), just got a new school in Portland, Maine. Unlike other schools — which teach important basic skills like how to spell or do basic arithmetic — this place of learning is just a little bit different. And by “a little” we mean “embarrassingly different.”
Why? Because the hallowed halls of The Adulting School don’t hold the secrets to grammar or photosynthesis, they just focus on stuff like “making dental appointments” and “fixing things yourself.” #Hahahah #lolololololol
The idea that millennials need to learn stuff that they didn’t get in school — like how to create a budget — isn’t inherently terrible. But the school’s premise, which centers around paying money instead of “calling older people who like you,” doesn’t really hold much water. Nor does it do anything to dispel the widespread notion that millennials are worthless and whiny and altogether too coddled to be of any use to our society. And while the school’s aim is to help people starting out their adult lives learn the basic skills of survival, it’s hard not to think that throwing cash at presumed “experts” is just a little excessive when answers to everything from how to find a wall stud to what to do if you’re in need of medical help are only a few free clicks away on Google (even if a monthly membership to Adulting School is only 30 bucks a month — $15 if you join now). (Pro-tip: If you’re having trouble feeding yourself in a healthy way, maybe look up “nutritionally sound recipes” and use the money on that instead.)
As Tess Koman points out over at Cosmopolitan, the school’s explanation for existence — you’re smart and capable, but your education didn’t provide you with the skills you needed to be a grown-up — is blatantly disingenuous. Not because most of us immediately knew how to do all the things the school plans to teach millennials for a nominal fee, but because you really can’t blame an “education gap” for not knowing how to be a functioning grown-up. Especially in a time when there’s more information than ever. And especially when we live in 2016 — an era when balancing a checkbook is a thing of the past and your taxes (ugh, taxes) are easily done by a service.