Napflix Is Here To Bore You To Sleep, And You’re Going To Thank Them

11.01.16 1 month ago
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If you, like many Americans, need to take a Xanax, an Ambien, and three to seven pills of melatonin just to get to sleep, your long personal (waking) nightmare is finally over! A new site full of videos that are so yawn-inducingly boring and insipid is here, and it’s so effective it’ll knock you right the hell out and put the sleeping aid industry out of business. World, meet Napflix! (Don’t get too attached to the name, though, you know Netflix is coming with that cease and desist!)

Listen, we all know that one of the hardest things about getting to sleep is calming your thoughts — especially when your brain wants to remind you of something terrible you did when you were ten years old which no one but you remembers. So what do you do when they just won’t stop? You turn on the TV and hope it will lull you into a tranquil night’s repose. But then you run into the problems of a) needing to find the perfect thing to fall asleep to, which could take hours because there are so many choices and you forget that you’re trying to fall asleep and not just watch TV, and b) putting something on, becoming interested, and then never falling asleep because you accidentally rewatched the entire first season of Veronica Mars and now it’s time for work. But Napflix will change all that, because you literally won’t be able to stay awake as you watch video after video of people tending to Zen Gardens or enjoy a video game chicken waddling through a grassy landscape on a loop.

If neither of those options appeal to you, there are plenty more where they came from. Napflix offers mind-numbing lectures, late-night infomercials, and even opera (un-subtitled, of course, so you don’t get involved with the story) to help you get the good night’s sleep that you both long for and deserve. And considering there are new offerings daily — would not recommend the ten-hour timer, though — there will never be an end to the lack of entertainment that you can not-really-enjoy as you slip off to dreamland.

Check the service out now, before whoever’s running it realizes they’re sitting on a goldmine and makes you pay a subscription fee for access!

(Via Hello Giggles)

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