As a woman who writes about superheroes for living, having an opinion is a dangerous occupation. One wrong word about Wonder Woman or the Joker and suddenly the trolls come out of the woodwork, with threats and then the cops get involved and it’s actual insanity. Nevertheless I — and many other women — persist. But there are days when you wish you could get back at the trolls in some way that doesn’t involve dragging them into the public square that is social media and shaming them before the world. Sometimes you wish there was a way to give comeuppance a more…personal…touch.
Enter Troll Cakes by NYC baker Kat Thek, the delicious way to make your trolls literally eat their words. They’ll try not to, because they’ll either be disgruntled by your gift or — should they still be capable of shame — embarrassed they said such horrible things. But in the end, the deliciousness will be too much to resist and they’ll sit on the floor, eating it with their bare hands and weeping.
But wait a minute. It’s easy enough to plonk down $35 USD to send a Troll Cake to your cousin who thinks Facebook comments have no repercussions, but most trolls are anonymous strangers? How can Troll Cakes send delicious judgment to them? Because they are also “Troll Cakes Bakery And Detective Agency.” For the low, low price of $60 USD, and on a case-by-case basis, the folks behind Troll Cakes will hunt down your troll in the world’s most delectable (and private) doxing. Sadly, as of this writing, the bakery does not offer to put their cakes on a comically large spring from ACME that would hit your troll in the face as soon as they open the box. C’est la vie.