In 20 years, when their child has achieved mainstream success with his or her groundbreaking blend of gravel-voiced mall-goth, despite his or her vampire-like teeth and damp bath mat haircut, we’re going to look back to today in anger, for today is the day we learned Nickelback’s Chad Kroeger and Avril Lavigne are engaged.
According to People:
Avril Lavigne and Nickelback frontman Chad Kroeger’s relationship has been so quiet that few even knew they were dating. Now, after a six-month courtship, the Canadian rockers are engaged to be married, Lavigne’s rep tells People exclusively.
Lavigne, 27, and Kroeger, 37, first got together in February to co-write a song for Lavigne’s upcoming fifth studio album.
On Aug. 8, Kroeger popped the question, presenting Lavigne with a 14-carat diamond sparkler. (Via)
I have SO many questions.
1. Will Barenaked Ladies, Trooper, or Snow play the reception?
2. If Kim Kardashian and the guy from Creed were selected as maid of honor and best man, would the Internet instantly explode?
3. Is this news like getting a second Christmas for gas station attendants worldwide?
4. Can we FINALLY accept that Chad and Avril are the new Kurt and Courtney?
5. Is Avril going from Sum 41’s Deryck Whibley to Brody Jenner to Chad Kroeger like a normal person going from kissing hedgehog sh*t to kissing douchebag sh*t to kissing cocker spaniel sh*t?
6. Is this the saddest tweet ever?
7. Are we calling this coupling “Chavril” or “Krovigne”?
The answers: all of the above, yes, yes, yes, yes, and YES. And yet, my feelings remain…what’s the word?
Oh yeah, that’s right: “HAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHA.”