Where would hip hop be without grandiose commercialism? Hip hop may not have always been about excess but that’s been its current status for the last decade or so. Part of the rap game is putting your name on products that will reach outside your initial fan base. It’s a good way to keep your name out there once album sales begin to fade and make serious extra bank.
Just like anything in business though, for every success story there are going to be four dismal failures lagging right behind. Not every product endorsement launched by a rapper is going to be the next Beats by Dre. From hard-on pills to potato chips, here are seven of the most ridiculous things rappers were willing to put their names on.
1. 50 Cent on QVC
I don’t give a damn how many times 50 Cent has been shot, if there is anything that can vaporize street cred, it’s going on QVC. I don’t expect Fifty to be pimping his headphones out the back of an Escapade, but there could not be a more bland, middle-America, mom-jeans-wearing outlet than QVC. Just the interaction between Fifty and the overzealous soccer moms alone is laughable. It’s been rumored that upon first listen with the headphones, you can hear Dre laughing at Fifty’s attempt to outdo him in the headphone market.
2. Snoop Dogg Slings Hot Pockets
Hot Pockets are really only enjoyable when you’re stoned or drunk and nothing else is available. What your getting is a pastry with an ice cold center surrounded by molten lava filling that will rip through your stomach lining like a California wildfire. This is apparently good enough to convince Snoop to rework one of his biggest hits of recent years. That’s right, kids, “Drop It Like It’s Hot” is now “Pocket Like It’s Hot.” The video still features girls shaking their asses, only now there’s also Andy Milonakis and a giant Hot Pocket wearing a cape.
3. Warren G Regulates for Affirm XL Erection Pills
Having trouble regulating on your lady’s privates the way you used to? Not to worry, cuz the original Regulator Warren G is now slingin’ boner pills. Here I was thinking that when it came to male enhancement pills, commercials with white guys playing guitar or throwing around the pigskin had the market cornered. Then comes Warren G spitting lines like “You need to take your Affirm XL and regulate.” The saddest part of the whole thing — this is the only video Warren G’s had on the air in years.
4. Ghostface Killah
Doll Action Figure
Who knows why somebody as legendary as Ghostface decided to put out their own action figure, but that’s not the issue here. The issue is that this toy costs $500. Before you question whether or not this is a worthy investment that you might regret (which you will) it’s worth pointing out that the doll comes with a mixtape, real 14k gold chain, and chalice lined with Swarovski crystals. The dolls were limited to 500 pieces in 2005 and one sucker supposedly got the chance to hang with Ghostface for the day. If all that weren’t enough, my favorite part is the doll even says some of Ghostface’s catchphrases one of which is, “Yo b*tch. I f*cked your friend, yeah you stank ho!”
Perfect for the child on your Christmas list.
5. Lil’ Romeo’s Rap Snacks
Branded as “the official snack of hip hop” which of course means they were developed with little to zero hip-hop concern for hip hop’s credibility, Rap Snacks are chips named after rappers. With names like “Platinum BBQ” and “Dirt McGirt’s Sour Cream & Onion” they’re the perfect snack addition to any recording session. The company was founded in way back in 1994, but bought buy Lil Romeo in 2007 just before Romeo’s 18th birthday. All in all, Romeo is probably making far more selling potato chips than he ever did in the music business.
6. Kanye West Rents His Head to Fendi
There’s selling out and then there’s selling out like Kanye West. Kanye reportedly made a cool 10K for buzzing a Fendi ad into the back of his head. Would I use my head as billboard space if somebody wanted to pay me $10,000 bucks? Where do I sign up?! That doesn’t make it any less ridiculous, but in the brain of Yeezus is there really any such thing as a ridiculous idea? Now if only Gucci Mane could get Baskin Robbins to pay him for that ice cream tat on his face.
7. 50 Cent’s Condoms
If you’re going to have a song all about your d*ck called “Magic Stick” it’s only rational that you release a line of condoms, right? I can just see the brainstorming session with 50 Cent and his managers now…
“Gather around everybody. Now, Fifty, this song “Magic Stick” it’s huge, anyway we can capitalize on it, maybe magic cards or candy sticks of some sort? Umm, it’s about my d*ck, how bout some rubbers? Genius!”
Unfortunately, Fifty wanted to add some performance boosting chemicals to the condoms and they were deemed defective – womp womp. Back to the flavor lab at SK Energy Shots I guess.
I want more like this!
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