At the 2016 Emmys this past Sunday, the wickedly talented, one and only Tori Kelly performed an emotional and tasteful rendition of Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah.” It was good, I have to admit that much, if not a little milquetoast. But maybe we’re all just a little bored with the song being used during In Memoriam segments. We’ve gone to that well more than a few times. So, instead of hitting up old standards like that or “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” or “Memories,” maybe it’s time to give the In Memoriam segment a facelift.
Here are just a couple ideas that would work perfectly.
Bone-Thugs-N-Harmony “Tha Crossroads”
Just imagine, a bunch of stuffed shirts, sitting in an audience all just wanting to be fed (unless at the Golden Globes, then they’re already drunk), waiting patiently for that strange sequence where you bargain with clapping harder for some people’s deaths than others. But all of that is erased when the audience hears a soothing “bone-bone-bone-bone bone bone bone,” and all they can do is dance while also solemnly remembering those who they loved over the years. “I loved Gene Hackman and Danny Glover. I am gonna miss everybody!” Let’s just make this official right now.
Enigma “Return to Innocence”
We all want to believe that our loved ones are in a better place. While we don’t know what that place exactly looks like, we all sort of guesstimate that it’s a place with open fields, green grass, sunny days, and other stuff like that. Do you sleep in Heaven? Are there beaches? Where is the water going? What are causing the tides? I guess that’s never made clear. Anyway, we all want a “Return to Innocence.” And plus, new age-y chanting sounds hella reverent. Not a dry eye in the house.
The Theme From Six Feet Under
Maybe it’s a little curt, but let’s just cut straight to the point. Also, Six Feet Under is a critically acclaimed show that everyone loved. It also helps that it’s an instrumental theme, so we can listen along without distraction while watching the photos of our favorites who we lost during the course of the year. We don’t have to see how they died, though, that probably won’t be necessary. Especially for a few of those execs.
Michelle Branch “Goodbye to You”
Sometimes, you don’t need an understated goodbye, but a huge, hearty cathartic one. Saying it is never easy, so why not yell-sing it to the acoustic sounds of Michelle Branch. A quick aside, why did we let Michelle go? We need her back in our lives, and this is the perfect entry point.
Blue Oyster Cult “Don’t Fear the Reaper”
Death is nothing to be afraid of. For many, we hope, it’s the natural ending to a life well lived. So just imagine instead of queuing up “Smile” or “Blackbird” again, we hear that opening riff and then maybe even a tinge of cowbell. It’s the perfect and respectful thing to do for those who entertained us all of these years. If nothing, whenever Will Ferrell passes we can easily slide this in.
“Tears in Heaven” “Tha Crossroads”
Lol, guys, come on, “Tha Crossroads” is the right answer. Stop it.
