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GOODBYE, WARRIORS; BULLS STILL ALIVE

SO THIS IS HOW IT’S GONNA BE

By / 05.16.07

Steve Nash took a nasty forearm shiver that sent him into the scorer's table, and because Amare Stoudemire and Boris Diaw stood up and took a few steps in outrage that the two-time MVP and best player on the team was so flagrantly fouled, they've been suspended for the Game 5, essentially stripping the Suns of any realistic chance of winning the pivotal Game 5 at home.

Asked if he thought it was a fair decision, [NBA gulag director Stu] Jackson said, "It's not a matter of fairness, it's a matter of correctness, and this is the right decision at this point in time."

And there's the crux of it: the NBA toed the letter of the law, and the law (pictured, left), in this case, isn't fair.  As someone who's been drinking the D'Antoni Kool-Aid since Steve Nash arrived in Phoenix, it's unspeakably frustrating that the Suns always have some monster setback to overcome in the playoffs.  Sadly, all we can do is gnash our teeth, shake our fists at an uncaring god, and write blog posts about the Spurs' lack of style.  Well, and maybe buy some black market Stingers to shoot down the Spurs' team plane.  I'm not saying anyone should do that… but, well, actually — heh, heh.  You didn't get the idea from me.

Anyway, I have a couple different proposals for the Suns that will make Game 5 the awesomest playoff game ever: (1) Play competitively for the first half.  If it's working out, keep trying.  If the Spurs are dominating, sit everyone and just throw the game away.  Put in the five shittiest players and throw the ball into the stands every possession.  Don't run.  Don't try.  Make it the most lopsided playoff loss ever, because fuck David Stern.  Or (2), at the opening tip, have Pat Burke punch Tim Duncan in the balls.  Just as hard as he can.  Pow. 

Personally, I'm leaning toward option 2.  Or the Stinger missiles. 


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