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Carlos Zambrano Is Misunderstood

By / 06.30.10

While Carlos Zambrano is visiting team doctors to check on his mental well-being in the wake of last Friday’s hissy fit, the ace-turned-batting-practice-arm has still not addressed the team about his behavior. Even when teammate and close friend Alfonso Soriano tried to call him, Zambrano wouldn’t answer. But don’t worry, the $18 million-per-year meltdown hasn’t lost his phone, because he used it to call MLB TV’s Kevin Millar and give him the whole story. Or at least the version that best suits him.

Zambrano told Millar that someone needed to fire up the team, currently nine games back of the first place St. Louis Cardinals in the NL Central. So he approached Carlos Silva to orchestrate a blow-up, in which Silva would be the catalyst to success. Zambrano, of course, readily admits that he realized his failures this season couldn’t allow him to be the man to instill the winning desire in his teammates. Then he rode off on his platinum-armored stallion to defeat the evil moon dragon, Galacticron.

Beat the crap out of my Gatorade cooler, Fan Nation:


“The main thing he wanted to get across was that at times guys like Carlos, they don’t know how to handle or how to fire up a team,” Millar said. “There wasn’t one play that made him mad, it was just the whole team and the way they’ve been playing made him mad and then he was frustrated, he said, after his inning and came in and was basically trying to pump all the guys up.”

You see, it was all just a ploy to motivate a team that had been playing poorly. Fair enough… is what I would say if Zambrano weren’t making most of it up. According to CBS Sports, Silva claims Zambrano came to him one time and asked him to get mad. Silva declined, saying he would never insult his teammates like that, and that was the only time Zambrano discussed the plan with him.

But Zambrano, that great tactician, braved forward and waited for just the right time – like when he surrendered four runs in the first inning Friday. Unless, of course, he expects 36 runs of support per nine innings, in which case Derrek Lee’s a real d*ck.


TAGSCARLOS ZAMBRANOCARLOS ZAMBRANO IS A F*CKING LUNATICCHICAGO CUBSLIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIREMLB

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