Awwww yeah! It’s time for another WORLD CUPDATE! You didn’t ask for it, you don’t want it, but it’s here anyway, just like your herpes. Go ahead and be annoyed with the soccer coverage, but at least THIS only flares up every four years.
With group play not even one-third finished, the biggest story of the World Cup continues to be the omnipresent buzz of vuvuzelas during matches. While modern science has found a way to cancel the noise out, the Internet has embraced the plastic horn as if it were a Japanese dog riding a bicycle. This collection could be just the beginning — we’ve got another four weeks until the tournament’s over.
Unfortunately for purposes of humor, the games aren’t decided by horns and Photoshop. In fact, many of the games haven’t been decided at all, with a prevalence of draws in the first cycle of games. Yesterday offered two more: a 1-1 final for New Zealand-Slovakia that featured a dramatic goal in stoppage time to salvage the Kiwis’ first-ever World Cup point, and a scoreless draw between Portugal and the Ivory Coast that was memorable only for the uninspired play and terrible officiating of Jorge Larrionda, the same ref who butchered the USA-Italy atrocity in 2006. It was a lousy start for Group G, the so-called “Group of Death,” which should have changed the BZZZZZZ of vuvuzelas to simply ZZZzzzz.
Group G didn’t get any better until the second half of yesterday’s late game between Brazil and North Korea, when both teams broke out somewhat exciting attacks that resulted in a 2-1 victory for Brazil — although the papers in Pyongyang probably disagree with that assertion.
WHAT’S ON TAP TODAY: Honduras-Chile in the early game, followed by Spain versus Switzerland — the final two teams to play their first match. At 2:30 Eastern time, South Africa and Uruguay square off. Ha ha, “you’re a gay.”
Finally, just because: