When other websites do power rankings, they suck like a barium enima. When we do Power Rankings, they kick all kinds of ass.
1. Reggie Watts. The comedian-slash-musician sings a song about pancakes, and it’s completely improvisational. No lyrics, no instruments. It’s quite impressive. And don’t even get me started on that beautiful ‘fro.
3. Bacon. When pan fat just isn’t enough, batter it in beer and deep fry it. What, you think you’re gonna live forever?
4. Boobs. Nip slips from the Lingerie Football League. Oh, NSFW.
5. Pumpkin carving with extreme prejudice. Ever seen a guy carve a pumpkin with a semi-automatic weapon? You’re about to…
6. Halloween. I guess it’s Sunday. My costume is almost set, just as soon as I find a t-shirt that reads NOTRE DAME VIDEO DEPT. on the front.
8. Dallas. Perhaps quite literally, it’s a city with a drinking problem (but not unlike many other cities).
9. NFL Blackouts. Two years ago, only one game had been blacked out through the first eight weeks of the season. This season? Thirteen. It’s cheaper to watch Red Zone at home and eat your own nachos.
10. This jagoff. Maverick wore a green flight suit (not navy blue), was in the Navy (not the Air Force) and wasn’t bald. Negative, douchebag. Pattern is full. In closing, your costume sucks balls. Happy Halloween.