First off, the Honorable Mentions… My apologies in advance to soccer, hockey and women, but I’m the average American male, so my list should be pretty obvious. Anywho, half-assed apologies aside, here are your certificates of participation, in no specific order:
The Giants Win! The Giants Win! – The San Francisco Giants won the World Series for the first time since they were the New York Giants. Your move, Chicago Cubs. Seriously, leave Chicago.
Sexy Rexy – Not the New York Jets, just Rex Ryan – the coach, the man, the alleged foot fetishist. He stole the show on Hard Knocks with his G*d-damned snacks, and if Mark Sanchez can channel his early season self, this team could win it all, which would be incredibly entertaining.
Manny Pacquiao Is A Stud – 8 titles in 8 weight classes is a serious career feat. Too bad he and Floyd Mayweather will never shut up and fight.
Urban Meyer Retires Again – Maybe it was health, or maybe it was the realization of no Tebow, no hope. I hear the Denver Broncos are hiring.
Kobe’s Newest Dynasty – The Lakers win again and they top next year’s list without question and with an apology. Too bad he and Phil Jackson can’t get along. Suddenly Ron Artest is a voice of reason.
The Phuture Of The Phillies – Cliff Lee spurned the New York Yankees and the Texas Rangers to pitch again for the Philadelphia Phillies. He joins Roy Halladay, Roy Oswalt and Cole Hamels to make a decent rotation. Just for giggles they should sign a golden retriever for the 5 spot.
Jimmie Johnson Wins Again – Someone won for driving in circles, other people complained.
Who The Hell Is Ines Sainz? – The TV Azteca reporter’s claims that she was sexually harassed at a New York Jets practice were stupid. Mainly because she has a butter face.
Chris Berman Gets A Hollywood Walk Of Fame Star – Someone had to pay $25,000 for it, but hey, who’s counting?
Duke’s Return To Glory – The Blue Devils won a rather uninspiring National Championship, stealing the spotlight from Cinderella Butler. But it still counts.