6. Catch a Tiger’s Tale
Speaking of sex addicts, Tiger Woods’ woes began around Thanksgiving in 2009, and while new mistresses seemed to pop up every 13 seconds in the first half of 2010 (dude, I can’t even make eye contact with a Perkins waitress, let alone bang one) the real story wasn’t the demise of his marriage (this is America, we f*cking rule at infidelity and divorce) but his decline on the golf course. Tiger didn’t win a single tournament in 2010, leaving frat boys and investment brokers across the country to wonder: “Why is golf so boring now?”
While it was hardly shocking that a man who was universally regarded as the greatest to ever pick up a driver could suffer professionally from personal issues, the PGA took a beating without its star doing what he always did best – win. Appearing in only 12 events, Woods finished 68th on the 2010 money list. Meanwhile, the field leveled and 6 golfers, including Ernie Els and Steve Stricker, won two tournaments, while Jim Furyk won a tour-leading three. A recent PGA commercial implies that the field simply caught up to Tiger in 2010. I hope I don’t hurt my dominant arm with this dismissive wanking.
5. The Rise of Donovan
The World Cup almost pushed the casual American fan – like myself – over the soccer hump, but the day after I still couldn’t tell you who won. However, it also gave us vuvuzela-related violence and domestic murders, so it was a great deal of fun while it lasted. While Spain’s fans probably had a blast celebrating their team’s World Cup victory, they can kiss my red, white and blue butt, because thanks to Landon Donovan, Americans finally cared about soccer. Even though it was short-lived, for a few days in the summer, millions of people went crazy because Landon kicked the game-winning goal (a rebound off a post shot by Clint Dempsey) giving the U.S. team its first group victory in 80 years.
It could be another 80 years before the U.S. ever wins another World Cup soccer game for all we know, but that video above is my pick for the coolest fan moment by far. Well, except for anything involving hot chicks flashing. Sorry, Landon but that’s America’s real pastime and I expect you to respect that.