Terrible But Realistic TV Pitches, Vol. III
Reese Witherspoon is kind of a b___h

The Dugout: We Stinks

By / 06.06.11

Carlos Zambrano has told the Cubs what they already know: they stink. Furthermore … well, that’s it. The proper blogger stance is to stand up against Zambrano’s opinion and compare him to Ozzie Guillen, saying they’re both irrational, emotional “thugs” and any other words I can think of to whitely describe Hispanic people without you noticing.

Instead, I have constructed a web comic about baseball, and I hope you enjoy it. Today’s Dugout follows. Just make sure you watch the video I linked up there, so you don’t think I’m exaggerating any of these accents.



The Dugout

KaZambrano: we stinks
PujolJunkie: oh no carlo don feel e’so bad, is not so bad, joo still better than e’astros
KaZambrano: great, we better than a astros, great, jus great
PujolJunkie: i’m sorry i may you team feel like a gaggle of e’brad lidge, i am jus berry good at e’beisbol

KaZambrano: no, is embarrassing

is embarrassing for the team

is embarrassing for the player

for the owner

for the goat

is embarrassing for riggaly feel

KaZambrano: is embarrassing, embarrassing is the wor for this team
PujolJunkie: no i get it

KaZambrano: we play like a triple-a team. see watch

YEFF

SamardAss: /appears from a hole in the ceiling
KaZambrano: how you throw a curve ball
SamardAss: as hard as you can, straight at the ground!
KaZambrano: see
PujolJunkie: i duno carlo our e’AAA team es pretty good i don think we’d let heff e’smart jizzer on our squadron
PujolJunkie: joo play more like e’super major league’s astros
KaZambrano: super major leagues, what a hell
PujolJunkie: sry
KaZambrano: no what
PujolJunkie: sry e’super major leagues es where i play before they kick me out for having e’sympathy for mortals

KaZambrano: whoa that explain a lot

SamardAss: is that where Jose Bautista came from??
PujolJunkie: no; bautista gain his powerce from e’dark magicks
KaZambrano: you mean drugs
PujolJunkie: no
PujolJunkie: well, yes
  **Online Host**
MikeQuade180Pounds has entered the chatroom.
MikeQuade180Pounds: /staggers into chatroom in pajamas
KaZambrano: oh gray time for another lecture on new media
MikeQuade180Pounds: caint sleep, ozzie guillen keeps texing me
MikeQuade180Pounds: did you privately say we stink, making your statement true, or did you say we stink to a reporter, making your statement false
KaZambrano: we stinks!
MikeQuade180Pounds: ughhhhh why did i take this jobbbbb
MikeQuade180Pounds: they were gonna let me be shift manager at Five Guys!
  **Online Host**
MikeQuade180Pounds has left the chatroom.
KaZambrano: embarrassing
PujolJunkie: well hey a least loopinella is looking good after e’chemo
SamardAss: that’s not Sweet Lou, our manager is our house cat, we just shaved him and put a hat on his head!
PujolJunkie: lol guess i shoul know this if i e’play for joo nex year
KaZambrano: we can’t affor you albert, we are embarrassing, our bank accoun is completely empty. our checks have marmerduke on them. embarrassing
PujolJunkie: o
PujolJunkie: ok well e’swee lou was gonna give me 50 million e’year, where does he manage now
SamardAss: Oakland, maybe?
PujolJunkie: lol like im even gonna bother finding out
Photos link to player info. WordUpThome.com


TAGSALBERT PUJOLSBaseballCARLOS ZAMBRANOCHICAGO CUBSJEFF SAMARDZIJALOU PINIELLAMIKE QUADEMLBST LOUIS CARDINALSTHE DUGOUT

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