The 80s TV Sitcom Daughters Guide To Fantasy Football Wide Receivers

By: 08.08.11

The Jamie Powells

When I told Brandon which theme I was using for this ranking, he asked, “You’ve got Jamie Powell as your No. 1, right?” Like that would even be a question. Just Googling pictures of Nicole Eggert took me spiraling into a sticky, awkward wormhole of my teenage years. Needless to say, these are the best of the class this year, shaming all of the Sarah Powells of the NFL.

1) Andre Johnson – If Johnson hadn’t missed 3 games last season, he would have more than likely had his first 10+ touchdown season, and finished close to 1,500-yards. He already has a dislocated finger, but he has 9 others so he should still be able to give you elite numbers.

2) Hakeem Nicks – It’s rather bold to suggest that Nicks is better than the guys I have listed below, but bold wins championships. Even if Steve Smith re-signs with the New York Giants, he’s still coming off a serious surgery, so it’s Nicks and Mario Manningham. Nicks showed that he can be the touchdown guy, and he’s yet to play a full season.

3) Larry Fitzgerald – Will Kevin Kolb return Fitzy to prominence? Doesn’t matter. Fitzgerald is pretty much all he has. Someone has to score in that offense and it’s not going to be Beanie Wells.

4) Greg Jennings – The Green Bay Packers are probably going to have another very good season. Jermichael Finley is healthy, which means less looks for Jennings, but he will have his big moments and will produce numbers just short of the Wisconsin cholesterol average.

5) Roddy White – I’m punishing White for the Atlanta Falcons’ public displays of affection for Julio Jones. We get it – he’s a good receiver and Matt Ryan is a gentle lover.

6) Calvin Johnson – If the Detroit Lions would work on the offensive line just a little more, this should be a top tier offense. Maybe Matt Stafford stays alive this season. Someone should look into that.

Oh, also:

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