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The Dugout: Thome At 600

By / 08.17.11

Jim Thome hit his 600th home run.

Everyone who has ever read the Dugout sent me a message saying “hey, can’t wait to read the Thome Dugout”. He’s been our signature character for over seven years now. ESPN stuttered saying “Jim” and I couldn’t tell whether or not they did it on purpose. Maybe this dumb baseball webcomic will be erased and forgotten in a hundred years, but I hope the big goofy rosey-cheeked manchild we spotlit along the way gets his big shiny face in the Baseball Hall Of Fame and is never forgotten.

Today’s Dugout follows.

The Dugout

WordUpThome: /mashes tater  

DudeYerGettinADelmon: /is busy unwrapping length of Fruit By The Foot in left field

 
DudeYerGettinADelmon: oh shi-  
  **Online Host**
WordUpThome has just hit his 600th career home run.
 
WordUpThome: /completes shoopuf-esque trot around bases  
WordUpThome: OH HEY GUYS WHO WANTS BEAR STYLE HUGS, COME AND GET SOME MICHAEL CUDDYER  
CuddyerMak’er: lol ok /gets hugged  
WordUpThome: AND I’M A-GONNA HUG YOU  
O_Valencia: /gets hugged  
WordUpThome: AND I’M A-GONNA HUG YOU  
LawnMauer: /gets hugged  
WordUpThome: YEAH, YEAHHHHHHHH HUGS IS AWESOME  
WordUpThome: AND I’M A-GONNA HUG WAIT NO MATT YOU’RE MOVING TOO FASTLY  
WhatErnieTolbert: /goes up for the high-five  
WordUpThome: BOOM, HAND HUGGED  
WordUpThome: Mom?  
LikeAMotherThome: /stands in the dugout, clapping her hands  
WordUpThome: MOM I THOUGHT YOU HAD PASSED IT AWAY, I FEEL LIKE A RIPE OL’ J-WORD FOR NOT CALLING YOU FOR FIVE YEARS  
LikeAMotherThome: NO YOU’RE RIGHT JI  
LikeAMotherThome: JIM, I AM CURRENTLY AN ANGEL  
WordUpThome: YOU MEAN LIKE VERNING WELLS  
LikeAMotherThome: NO, I MEAN LIKE NICK ADENHART  
WordUpThome: OH  
WordUpThome: oh.  

WordUpThome: CAN MICHAEL CUDDYER SEE YOU

HEY MICHAEL CUDDYER CAN YOU SEE MY MOTHER

 
CuddyerMak’er: you mean like on a date?  
LikeAMotherThome: NO NOBODY CAN SEE ME RIGHT NOW  
LikeAMotherThome: TO THE PERSONS AROUND YOU I AM LIKE THE OAKLAND ATHLETICS  
WordUpThome: /sheds manly tear  
LikeAMotherThome: DON’T BE SAD JIMBO THIS IS A HAPPY OCCASION YOU JUST ROPED YOUR 600TH DINGER  
LikeAMotherThome: WHEN I WAS AN ACTUAL LADY I GOT TO SIT UNDER A TREE AND WATCH FAT LITTLE JIM HIT BALLS FARTHER THAN ANYBODY ELSE  
LikeAMotherThome: SOMETIMES WHEN YOU’RE PROUD ENOUGH OF SOMEBODY YOU GET TO COME DOWN AND WATCH OVER THEM  
WordUpThome: ISN’T PRIDE A SIN  
LikeAMotherThome: YEAH IT IS WEIRD  
WordUpThome: I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE HERE I THOUGHT PASSED FOLK STAYED UP IN HEAVEN AND SMILED DOWN, LIKE THE NOTORIOUS BIGGER SMALLS UPON THE RELEASE OF PUFF DIDDY’S HIT SINGLE "WE’LL BE MISSING YOU"  
LikeAMotherThome: I’VE BEEN DOING THAT FOR A LONG TIME  

LikeAMotherThome: YOU HAVE MANAGED TO STAY HAPPY AND FAT AND NICE IN A SAD AND SKINNY AND MEAN BUNCH OF PLACES

IF YOU AREN’T SOMEBODY’S FAVORITE BASEBALL PLAYER THEY’RE DOING IT WRONG

 
WordUpThome: YOU’RE JUST SAYING THAT BECAUSE YOU’RE MY MO  
LikeAMotherThome: DARN TOOTING  
WordUpThome: MOM  
WordUpThome: HEY WHILE YOU’RE HERE HAVE YOU EVER MET DELMON YOUNG, HE GOT TRADED BUT HE’S STILL HERE  
LikeAMotherThome: YES HE HAS DIED MANY TIMES  
WordUpThome: OKAY BECAUSE I WAS GOING TO INTRODUCE YOU  
WordUpThome:  
WordUpThome: I’M GONNA COME OVER THERE AND HUG THE HECK OUT OF YOU RIGHT NOW  
LikeAMotherThome: ARE YOU SURE, NOBODY’S GONNA SEE IT  
WordUpThome: YEAH THEY WILL  
 

**Online Host**
WordUpThome has hugged LikeAMotherThome.

**Online Host**
LikeAMotherThome has left the chatroom.

 
WordUpThome: /hugs nothing  
  **Online Host**
WhatsUpChuck has entered the chatroom.
 
WhatsUpChuck: HEY SON IT’S YOUR FAT  
WhatsUpChuck: FATHER CHUCK THOME  
WordUpThome: HEY DAD IT’S JI  
WordUpThome: JIM THOME  
WhatsUpChuck: I JUST SAW YOU HIT YOUR 600TH POTATER AND WANTED TO HUG THE MESS OUT OF YOU  

WordUpThome: HEY DAD AFTER THE GAME YOU WANNA, I DON’T KNOW

MAYBE GO SHOOT SOME DEERS WITH GUNS AND THEN HOLD UP THEIR HEADS SO IT LOOKS LIKE THEY’RE LOOKING AT THE CAMERAS

 
WhatsUpChuck: THAT WOULD MAKE ME THE HAPPIEST PERSON ON THE WORLD  
  **Online Host**
WhatsUpChuck has left the chatroom.
 
WordUpThome: SIGHING SOUND  
WordUpThome: /gets ready for life with 600 home runs  
DudeYerGettinADelmon: ay jim who dat qvc lookin lady you was huggin  
WordUpThome: THAT WAS NO QUALITY VALUE CONVENIENCE LADY DELMON YOUNG THAT WAS MY MOM  

DudeYerGettinADelmon: oh

you mean the one that died

 
WordUpThome: YES  

DudeYerGettinADelmon: o aight

ay look tell her if i get to heaven again an she aint got no manna imma choke her ass

 
Photos link to player info. WordUpThome.com

TAGSCHUCK THOMEDELMON YOUNGDETROIT TIGERSJIM THOMEJIM THOME HOME RUNJOE MAUERMICHAEL CUDDYERMINNESOTA TWINSMLBTHE DUGOUT

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