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The Best And Worst Of WWE Night Of Champions 2011

By 09.19.11

Best: Cody Rhodes vs. Ted DiBiase

I’ll be honest, I’m surprised how much I liked this match. Not because Cody Rhodes isn’t awesome because he is, but because Ted DiBiase has a habit of being incredibly mediocre. He’s been so disappointing in his role as this generations cocky rich guy, that I think when his dad tells people his son has followed in his footsteps he shows them a picture of Alberto Del Rio. He’s had three years to develop himself as anything other than default Superstar #4, and all he’s accomplished is wearing a dollar store version of the million dollar belt and growing then shaving a beard. He had Maryse on his arm for a while, and even she couldn’t make him stand out. Maryse. And she looks like this.

I don’t know if it’s a credit to Cody’s ability to make something cool out of nothing or Ted finally finding the gene his father passed on that makes him interesting, but these two really have great chemistry together. Everything just seemed to flow. If Ted DiBiase wrestled like this more than once every three years I might stop putting him on my short list when future endeavored season comes around.

Worst: I Guess Buffalo Doesn’t Like Wrestling

Yes the Intercontinental title match was good, but if you paid any attention to the crowd you wouldn’t know it. A crowd can make or break  a show, and it seemed like everyone in the audience decided to check their Facebook accounts at the same time when this match started. They were so quiet it was actually frustrating. Honestly though I couldn’t tell if it was because they were bored with the match, or if they were just upset that they were in Buffalo. My brother lived in that city for a year, and the only activity he could think of for us to do was eating at restaurants. Three days of eating at different restaurants, and it was football season. And they were playing at home. That’s how miserable it is to be in Buffalo. The only way to find any joy in that city is to eat it.

Still, it’s extremely frustrating to watch two guys work their asses off and see a crowd of people just sitting there stroking their chins. People boo John Cena and chant “you can’t wrestle” but fall deafly silent when two guys who can wrestle put on a show. You’re only enforcing the idea that wrestling is secondary to crotch chops and oily fat guys dancing when you don’t react to what’s going on in the ring. God dammit people, this is why we can’t have nice things.

Best: Christian

Anytime Christian decides to show up on TV automatically gets a best from me, even though he was just re-hashing all the stuff he’s been saying for the past two weeks. Hell, he could come out and to tell us cuddly kittens are extinct and Big Bird was charged with selling child pornography and I’d still smile and cheer after he slapped his chest and pointed. His promos are always fun, because unlike a lot of other Superstars his don’t seem like they were memorized from a piece of paper four minutes before he walked through the curtain. I’m not saying they aren’t, it’s just that they don’t seem like they were written by a committee of frustrated soap opera writers. Christian came out, basically said nothing, and still got a better reaction out of the Buffalo crowd than Evan Bourne killing himself with a dive to the outside. He even got them to chant “one more match” and he’s a freaking bad guy. Whoever says Christian doesn’t have what WWE calls the “it” factor is a moron, unless the it factor is two hundred pounds of muscle and the ability to do a lot of body slams.

Also Best: “Sit down, Cole”

At one point during his promo Christian told everyone who thought he deserved one more title shot should stand up. They cut to a crowd shot where about one out of every twenty people were standing, and almost immediately you could hear Jerry Lawler interject with “sit down, Cole.” No cut to Cole standing triumphantly in support of Christian, no response from the guy that holds more WrestleMania victories than the hall of famer sitting next to him. The image I formed in my mind legitimately made me laugh out loud, which is probably the most positive thing Michael Cole has made me do in months.

Also, Also Best: Testicle Jokes Are Back 

I don’t know who gave the green light for Sheamus to make a joke about his uncle Fargus’s lucky green testicle, but whoever it was I would like to kiss them on the head. The last time I remember WWE talking about a man’s ball sack on TV was when Vince McMahon was calling his testicles grapefruits and saying he was going to jack hammer Linda. I know I’m past the age where I should laugh at a grown man claiming his uncle is the luckiest guy in Ireland because of his gangrenous nut, but last night reminded me why it’s awesome to be twelve.

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