Worst: Whoops Before I Forget Here’s Your Vengeance Main Event Okay Moving On
I know I mentioned the nitpick of modern wrestling giving away top shelf pay-per-view matches on free TV, which is sorta dumb, because wrestling is the only fandom that does that. We get upset that we’re getting the good stuff too soon, because we’re conditioned to enjoy delayed satisfaction. I would rather have Randy Orton and Mark Henry not touch each other for a year and then finally have a big match than see them wrestle whenever I want. Kinda like how I finally see Scarlett Johansson’s nipple and I don’t care, because her boob isn’t moving. What’s wrong with me?
Anyway, knowing that what I’m saying is dumb, I thought it was pretty lame to fill the show with half-assed versions of the matches you’ve used to sell the last two pay-per-views (Henry/Orton, Air Boom vs. the only bad guys on Raw, Cena/Del Rio/Punk) to sell a third, which is just a variation on the previous two. Laurinaitis walked out and was all “your main event for Vengeance is going to be Alberto Del Rio defending the WWE Championship against John Cena, okay bye” and then talking about something else. Nobody cheered, not even the little kids who probably would really like John Cena to get another title match. Things are just happening, and none of it matters. Colors on a wall. I’m starting to lose my mind.
Easy formula, guys. Copy this down.
1. Decide on something we want to see
2. Do things on the shows we don’t pay for to make us really want to see that thing you decided
3. Put the thing you decided to do that we want to see on a show we have to pay for
4. Take our money
for f**ks sakes
Best: R-Truth And Miz, At Least
I’m happy to see Truth and Miz back on the show, and R-Truth saying things like “BLAOW, IN YA MOUTH” while Miz makes the most wonderfully infantile face at the people in the ring is great. That being said, again,
Worst: What’s Happening To Miz And Truth
Two pay-per-views ago, The Miz and R-Truth challenged, then lost to, Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne. They raised the ire of Triple H, lost another match, and got fired. Now, John Laurinaitis brings them back, and what do they do? They lose a tag team match by disqualification, then are immediately manhandled and run off with their heads between their legs by CM Punk and Triple H. Post-show reports say Miz and Truth came running back, only to get “their butts kicked”. What’s the logical next step? Put them in a match against CM Punk and Triple H.
Why would John Laurinaitis do this? Sure, maybe he’s got some big plan that will bring back Bad nWo and we’ll wait and see where it goes, or no, maybe they don’t have any f**king idea what they’re writing or doing and the bad guy GM who brought back Miz and Truth to piss off Triple H is handing them over to H on a silver platter. Triple H, the guy who is still COO, who apparently can’t just fire them again, because he doesn’t overrule the Raw Interim General Manager. Triple H and his tag team partner, the guy who should really hate him, but doesn’t, because he got beaten up by Triple H. And argh and blah and help me.
Worst: Spamming The Reset Button
I’m not sure this actually happens, but WWE’s reported tendency to pull the plug on something if it doesn’t automatically work is the worst. A lot of people are claiming that WWE “hit the reset button” last night, and it’s hard to disagree — things are basically back to the way they were before Money In The Bank, before Punk temporarily made wrestling a cool thing to support again, but with John Laurinaitis as the living, walking version of the Anonymous Raw General Manager computer. Punk is popular, but a non-factor. Cena is getting all of the title matches. There’s basically one tag team on Raw. Even Santino is back. It’s just the same thing from the slightly safer time before they put a toe in the water, found out the water was cold, and went running back up the beach.
I don’t know if they reset. In a company where your history begins and ends again before and after a pay-per-view and memories only surface when you need them, a reset is pretty pointless. I guess the question is, would I reset what happened last night, or would it be a better idea to hit the power button and play something else? I love my PlayStation and it has all the best games, but I’ve got a Wii sitting right beside it, and yeah, it’s not as powerful, and Kirby is for babies but it’s fun as hell and I don’t have to worry about it freezing up.
Yes, Kirby is CHIKARA in this analogy.
I’m not watching and seeing where this goes. I came very close to turning off the television last night. The Watch and Sees of the Summer of Punk and the return of Triple H have put us balls deep in one of the worst Raws I can remember, and yeah, it’s not the end of the world. They can do something good and constructive next week and I’ll probably forget all about this, save for the jokes. But how long can you go doing this? How can you keep loving and supporting something that never loves or supports you back? It’s the Enertron of entertainment. It restores your HP and MP, but “You are still as hungry as before”.
I’m getting really hungry, you guys.