11) Cleveland Browns (3-4) – I don’t ever want to scare people, but first the Browns lost Peyton Hillis and now Montario Hardesty. What if the Madden Curse is actually contagious and Cleveland is ground zero? The entire Eastern seaboard will be on the IR by Week 9, Mr. President.
12) Dallas Cowboys (3-4) – At what point does Jason Garrett tell Rob Ryan to shut the hell up? Two, three weeks ago? Does Jerry Jones step in at any point and tell Ryan to quit firing up opposing offenses? I sure hope not.
13) Philadelphia Eagles (3-4) – Why is LeSean McCoy never mentioned in the neverending debate over who is the best RB in the NFL? Should be pretty easy by now, seeing as there are only 4 or 5 healthy RBs left.
14) Tennessee Titans (4-3) – Mike Munchak said that he’s going to be using Javon Ringer more since Chris Johnson has been atrocious since signing his new deal and getting $30 million guaranteed. If I’m Matt Forte I’m screaming to the Bears front office, “I SWEAR, I’LL NEVER LET YOU DOWN LIKE HIM!”
15) San Diego Chargers (4-3) – So what night were Jay Cutler and Philip Rivers pissing in a fountain when they switched bodies?
16) New York Jets (4-3) – I really don’t get this ongoing feud between Joe Namath and Rex Ryan. I mean, I get that they’re both obnoxious and arrogant and they crave constant attention, but don’t they realize that they’d be a lot more powerful if they joined forces? Joe gets the tits, Rex gets the feet. Perfect match.
17) Kansas City Chiefs (4-3) – Ladies and gents, we have our fastest rising team of the season thanks to a rejuvenated defense and an offense that seems to be grasping the “just enough to not lose” theory.
18) Atlanta Falcons (4-3) – I think Matt Ryan could end up being a great quarterback within the next few seasons and possibly enjoy 4 or 5 “elite” level seasons. Lord knows he has the offense for it. But I think it’s about time that we stop picking on the Dolphins for not drafting him. He’d be dead if he played for Miami. Literally dead.
19) Tampa Bay Buccaneers (4-3) – The Bucs have been called inconsistent this season and I think that’s a little generous, because if Josh Freeman and Mike Williams played like their fans expected them to, they’d at least be 5-2, probably 6-1.
20) Chicago Bears (4-3) – Jay Cutler is being celebrated in Chicago for his attitude renaissance, as he seems to be a lot more likable and affable now, even having a pretty good sense of humor. Imagine how much better that would be if the Bears gave him a good receiver.