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LOLNFL 2011: Week 12

The Best And Worst Of WWE Raw 11/28: Get On Your Vegan High Horse And Ride

By 11.29.11

Best: Please Acknowledge The Presence Of Wade Barrett

Wade Barrett gets two Bests this week, the first one for the phrase “please acknowledge the presence of Wade Barrett” coming out of Justin Roberts’ mouth, making me wonder if Barrett had lent him Throwing A Garden Party by James Trickington before the match started. They should use that phrase more often, especially in situations like Eve’s entrance, when she comes out all dancey and pointy and nobody gives a sh*t. “Please acknowledge the presence of Eve Torres!”, he’d bellow, and the crowd would go “wooo, sure” and Eve could smile and feel okay about herself.

The second Best goes to Wade Barrett’s ability to speak earnestly about himself, and in doing so shut the King the f**k down. Paraphrased:

Lawler: “He’s got Vickie Guerrero on the outside distracting him, you on commentary distracting him and-”

Wade: “LISSEN LISSEN that’s his manager, I’m here to commentate. Randy Orton needs to focus on his match. Answer me this, what on Earth was Randy Orton doing during my match last week against Kofi Kingston? He wasn’t invited, he came down halfway through and distracted me. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.”

Lawler: [silence] “Well said, Wade Barrett!”

He got Jerry Lawler to CONCEDE A POINT. How amazing is that? The only way it could’ve been better is if he’d yelled TALK ABOUT WADE BARRETT into his headset, King said “we’re talking to you right now!” and he screamed TALK TO HIM MORE. Also, he should start entering to this Cage The Elephant song because it sounds like they’re yelling WADE BARRETT! WADE BARRETT! in the chorus.

Worst: WWE Announcers Reading Tweets From Fans On-Air

Don’t do this again.

Worst: Dolph Ziggler Likes To Show Off

ecw-kellyThis is in no way a condemnation of Dolph Ziggler’s creative development or in-ring performance, but Jesus Christ is “I like to show off” the worst character tic to give a wrestler since “speech impediment” or what? He likes to show off? What does that even mean? Liking to show off can be a thing you have, but having him say it in picture-in-picture promos and writing SHOW OFF on his TitanTron wall makes him pro wrestling’s The Riddler. He’s basically coming out and saying “hey everybody, I’m going to do cartwheels and sh*t instead of winning, that’s when you should punt me”. The nonchalant cover that ALWAYS leads to a crucifix has become sentient and walks like a man.

And anyway, isn’t “I like to show off” Kelly Kelly’s old gimmick? The next time Ziggler poses for the crowd instead of going for a cover, Mike Knox should rush out and cover him with a towel.

Best: Macho Man Guy

macho-man-guy-wwe-rawThis guy was awesome. I love when people cosplay at wrestling shows. There’s a guy who shows up to every Anarchy Championship Wrestling show in a La Parka mask, and another who wears fingerless gloves and a vest and carries around a replica title. You can almost always find a Savage and a Hogan somewhere in every wrestling crowd.

But just like actual cosplay, I appreciate the less obvious choices. Can we make cosplaying at wrestling shows a thing? I want to go to Raw dressed as Phantasio or something. Maybe Big Josh if they won’t let me bring in fire.

Best: Randy Orton Putting People Over, A Novel Idea

Have you noticed how Randy Orton keeps losing to guys like Dolph Ziggler and Mark Henry, yet remains completely over and one of the most popular guys in the company? Funny how that works, isn’t it?

They’re huge on Randy “evolving” and “adapting”, but I love how he’s secretly evolved into this giving, silent workhorse who stopped delivering long-winded promos in his Dooley from ‘King Of The Hill’ voice and decided to put on good matches with everybody all year. As bad as he’s been in the past, that’s how good he’s been in 2011. I love it. And honestly I thought last night’s match with Ziggler was a little on the boring side, but I appreciated it happening, and even with the Wade Barrett distraction I liked how it ended. Ziggler won that match clean. All Barrett did was get up on the apron, Orton’s the one who took his eyes off the prize and decided to start throwing dropkicks. Zig-Zag Man Right There just capitalized on it, which makes him smart. Or a hypocrite, if you ask Michael Cole.

Oh, and let’s not forget the best part of Dolph Ziggler, Exhibitionist:


So Many Bests, I Guess: Dolph Ziggler Continues To Stand On Heads

He’s got a background in competitive cheerleading, of course he can do a beautiful headstand. The best part was when they zoomed in on his face, and he’s just shaking his head and going OH YEAH, OH YEAHHHH like the f**king Kool Aid Man because of how much he loves the Showing of Off. Bold prediction: Ziggler’s headstands are going to be the Spinaroonie of the 2010s, where we love it and want to see it whenever he’s around, even if we can’t remember why watching this guy doing Day One gymnastics is supposed to be entertaining.

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