Barring a miracle, the Miami Heat will win the NBA Championship. That’s reality, folks. Of the 30 teams down 3-1 in NBA Finals history, a whopping zero of them have pulled off the come-from-behind. That puts the Oklahoma City Thunder’s chances at roughly zilch with a 1% margin of error. However, that 1% would require Scott Brooks to start coaching like he belongs in the Finals and the rest of the Thunder to forget about the refs and man up.
But until that miracle occurs, we can expect an influx of “swag” being thrown in the face of “haters”. After last night’s 104-98 win, LeBron James is on the cusp of ending nearly 9 years of talk that he can’t close the deal, or that he doesn’t rise to the occasion. He knows it’s coming. Dwyane Wade knows it’s coming. Hell, he even stole a page from my book and wore the Dwayne Wayne glasses last night.
And when those two know it, Heat fans know it.
Those fans down in South Florida are a special breed. I know, I grew up down there and had to deal with it all for far longer than I would have liked. They’re obnoxiously devoted, despite the fact that some of them will jump ship at the first sign of losing. The Heat aren’t losing, though, and that means those fans are about to be louder than ever, because they just don’t care what the haters think.
We just have put on our white sunglasses and deal with them. Who are they, you ask? Let’s take a look.
In fairness to this fanbase that has been harshly stereotyped based on the smallest sample size of douchebags, Miami fans just want to have a consistent winner. The Florida/Miami Marlins have two World Series wins and the Heat won a championship recently, but this is a community dominated by devotion to the Miami Dolphins.
I can personally attest that most Miami sports fans, ages 18-40, would trade those three championships for one Dolphins Super Bowl victory.
Then there’s Ol’ Moon Boots here, representing what people want to think about Miami sports fans. Over the past two seasons, this guy has become a bit of a sports blogger obsession. It’s well deserved, too.
After all, if you’re a man and you’re wearing Uggs to a sporting event in South Florida, you deserve to be talked about. And I’m sure this BRO has more money than you or I will ever know and he’d gladly tell you that, but seriously… Uggs? Ugh.
I wonder what he says when he heckles people. “Hey Bibby, I bet you wish your toes were drenched in sweat,” is what I’d imagine.
Then there is this cartoon character. This may or may not be famed hip hop jeweler Johnny Dang. Regardless, when the average sports fan sees this guy on TV, cheering for the Heat, I’m betting it increases the hatred intensely.
I don’t know a thing about creepy ass white gloves guy other than he a f*cking weirdo.
White on white jersey.
Matching white sunglasses.
Hat an angle.
Dual bandanna arm bands.
Pay close attention, Heat fans, because this is how the common sports fan pictures all of you.
And those guys are nothing compared to the Heat Bros. They aspire to BE the Heat Bros. Don’t we all? Haha, no.
I’ll just leave you with no commentary on this one. See you all tomorrow night for Game 5.
I want more like this!
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