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Kevin Garnett's Honey Nut Cheerios And Other Athletes Re-Imagined As Breakfast Foods

By / 01.10.13

In one of the better “Boys will be boys” stories of this early sports year, New York Knicks forward Carmelo Anthony reportedly took offense to something that Boston Celtics forward Kevin Garnett said to him during Boston’s 102-96 victory on Monday night. According to various websites, Garnett supposedly told Anthony that his wife and decision-maker, La La Vasquez-Anthony, “tasted like Honey Nut Cheerios”. Honestly, I don’t really know how that’s an insult, because it mostly just reminds me of Patrice O’Neal’s birthday cake joke (watch “Elephant in the Room” if you’re unfamiliar).
Now, if I had to guess, Garnett has never had sex with Anthony’s wife. Maybe he has, and therefore is qualified to make such a statement, but this is probably just an example of what the kids call “trash talk”. However, some people believe that this sort of trash talk crosses a line, including Anthony, who waited for Garnett by the Celtics team bus so they could settle this like men. After all, you can take the millionaire professional athlete out of Brooklyn, but you can’t take the Brooklyn out of the corporate product spokesperson.

According to the latest buzz, Garnett and Anthony have since smoothed out their problems, and that’s a relief, because I would have hated to see Anthony attack KG and then run for his life. As for everyone else upset about this, they need to chill. Garnett is a trash talker, always has been and always will be. And it’s never cordial and he’ll probably be saved a seat in hell for his worst lines. But that’s who he has chosen to be in these final days of his career, and that’s who we’ll remember him as – the Honey Nut Cheerios dude.
So that got us to thinking, what are some other breakfast foods that could define popular athletes? Well, what kind of people would we be if we didn’t answer our own question for your entertainment with some terrible photoshops?
Breakfast of Choice: A box of rocks. This one shouldn’t need too much explaining.
Breakfast of Choice: Special K cereal. We call this one the obvious pick that is still the most fitting.
Breakfast of Choice: Fruit Loops. Okay, maybe this one is the most obvious and fitting.
Breakfast of Choice: Lean Pockets. Hey, he may be a bachelor, but he’s still an athlete first and foremost.
Breakfast of Choice: Fruity Pebbles. This was my favorite because I didn’t even have to make a bad photoshop. Cena is actually already on a box of Fruity Pebbles.
Breakfast of Choice: Two big ol’ melons. It’s funny, because you know he’s made this joke a million times.
Breakfast of Choice: Plain white toast. Someone already beat me to this idea, whether for the same reason or for the Jesus-on-your-toast reason. Either way, maybe add some vanilla ice cream to this.
Breakfast of Choice: A Bud Heavy and cold pizza. Her whole “I’m not a sex symbol” routine already made her one of the guys, so this just seems… fitting.
Breakfast of Choice: A Slim Jim and a can of Pringles. The Slim Jim is because we just assume that every old wrestler eats them with every meal (RIP Macho Man), but the can of Pringles… well, if you don’t know, it’s gross, brothers.
Breakfast of Choice: A South Beach Diet protein bar. Just kidding, we all know he eats dodo egg omelets.
Breakfast of Choice: I’m not sure. Maybe eggs or something. I can’t see past all the damn trophies.
Breakfast of Choice: I just assume it’s meat. Lots of meat. But if I’m wrong, I’d gladly treat her to whatever breakfast food she prefers.
Breakfast of Choice: Free range chicken. Get it??? Because he’s a chicken. Hey, at least Manny Pacquiao thinks that’s funny. Right, Manny… Manny?
Breakfast of Choice: A sack of potatoes. Boom, roasted potatoes, son.
Breakfast of Choice: A bowl of strawberries resting on Bar Refaeli’s cleavage, because that’s what the American dream is all about.
Breakfast of Choice: A SOFT boiled egg. The emphasis is on soft. Because he’s soft. It’s a metaphor. Hey Kobe, pass the salt. Haha, Kobe won’t pass.
Breakfast of Choice: Caviar, probably. To be honest, that picture is what I imagine all of Tom Brady’s meals to look like.
Breakfast of Choice: Who knows? Nothing’s ever good enough for this girl.
Breakfast of Choice: If Verlander ever even leaves his bedroom long enough to make breakfast, he’s the biggest fool alive.


TOPICS#KATE UPTON#NBA
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