Worst: Hey, Everybody! An Old Man’s Talking!
WWE Fan Nation has done you a great service.
If you watch that clip, it plays like a really effective ending to Raw. The Rock shows up with the WWE Championship, does his “finally” act and share a short story about how Nashville is really important to him because when he was coming up, he lived and trained there. He mentions how it all built to him becoming WWE Champion, and how he’s extremely proud to be here as the best in the business. He gets interrupted by CM Punk, tries to shut him down verbally, Punk charges in all crazy and Rock gets the better of him until Punk’s scheming manager trips Rocky up and sends him fumbling into a GTS. Punk stands tall with the Rock’s WWE Championship at the end of the show, and we’ll see you in six days at the Elimination Chamber.
That is … that is not what happened.
What happened is that The Rock started telling a story about being in a bar as a giant teenager and buying cars from crackheads. It went nowhere, took 10 minutes, wasn’t funny to anybody but the chucklef**ks on commentary and ended without having any relevancy to his point whatsoever. If he’d mentioned wearing an onion on his belt or calling nickels “bees” it would’ve been exactly the same. Punk interrupted, and Rock went for the best gay jab he had, a joke he’d been working on for THREE HOURS: that Paul Heyman and CM Punk are just like Twilight, which the Rock assumes is about a vampire being gay with a werewolf.
You have got to try a little harder than this, buddy.
Worst Worst Worst: Cole And Lawler As The Studio Audience
But OH MAN, Cole and Lawler thought Rock’s story was AMAZING. Listen to them every single time he says “crackhead.” They are just CHUCKLIN’ AWAY because “crackhead” is an extremely funny word. They turned the ending of Raw into the Big Bang Theory, where the audience is rolling on the floor laughing because Sheldon is saying something, and not really because of anything Sheldon’s saying. When AJ and Ziggler kissed during Ziggler’s entrance, Cole and Lawler should’ve busted out the woooOOOOOOOOO, or maybe the ‘Saved By The Bell’ OWWWWW.
Best: CM Punk Vs. Rock’s Gay Jokes
CM Punk reacted to The Rock’s attempt at a “pop culture + you hugged which makes you gay” joke in the only way he should’ve: by happily putting his arm around Heyman and not giving a f**k.
You really are the Best In The World sometimes, you know that?
Best: Top 10 Comments Of The Night
Son of Mecha Mummy
I’m pretty sure Big Show punching Matt Striker out without letting him finish a sentence counts as a face turn.
The Duck Dynasty guys are really getting restless in the offseason
Three Puerto Ricans, two blacks, a guy from Planet Funk and a white guy acting Asian — Uncle Zeb is losing his mind right now
Cole’s problem with male bonding backstage is just stellar WWE canon work from the Heidenreich incident.
The Family Crippler Crossface
I’d be siked if it cuts to Big Show backstage and he stole Del Rio’s car and smeared shit all over it and then Sheamus walks by and is like “LOL” and keeps going.
Is Fandango a pokemon? He only seems capable of saying his own name?
You can hear the end of this story in my new movie Snitch, in Theaters this Friday!
Man hugging is gay, lets grapple. Hold on I need to take my shirt off.
No, Paul, that title BELONGS IN A MUSEUM!
JP (from the B)
Alex Riley is the Jerry West of WWE.
See you guys on Sunday for the Elimination Chamber live thread. Look for me in the crowd, I’ll be the guy in the Team Johnny shirt.