The Best And Worst Of Impact Wrestling 5/2/13: If Impact Lasts For More Than Four Hours, Please Consult a Medical Professional

By: 05.03.13

Best: The Three Bromigos

I know I’ve said it before, but I genuinely never thought that I would enjoy Jessie, yet here we are. Putting together the three dudes who are the best at one-liners and bringing a much-needed dose of levity to the parade of yelling and old-man sadness that Impact loves to showcase is a great move by TNA. Three Bromigos for King of Trios, yes yes? (No no, Danielle. Trios and amigos doesn’t even rhyme, bro).

To the surprise of no one, this was actually the best match of the show for me. I think the three non-Welsh participants compliment the others’ varying skill levels well, and I want more. It was silly and fun, and HANDS OFF TNA I JUST WANT TO HAVE NICE THINGS.

Worst: You don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone

RIP Rob Terry’s Stupid T-1000 Titantron, Whenever he first started using it-May 2nd, 2013. Your ridiculousness will be missed. His Stupid Titantron leaves behind #buttstuff, jump cuts of computer generated ribcages, and three grandchildren.

Best: Sit down, Bad Influence. You’re just jealous of allll this.

It seems that my assessment of a Bad Influence-Mecha Shiva as a worst in the last column differed greatly from the opinion of a number of people. I was chatting with someone who enjoyed it, and their reason for liking the segment was because “they’re just being jerks, and talking like dudes actually talk to each other.” Okay. Fair enough. But let’s be clear about something: The delivery was great, but the message that the default insult of “lol gay” is an okay thing to do because people are casually discriminatory and homophobic in real life is very much not. Like…come the f-ck on. It’s 2013. I should not be shouting DON’T MAKE GAY JOKES DON’T MAKE GAY JOKES DON’T MAKE GAY JOKES at my television. Unless, of course, they are jokes about Rudy Gay. Then you may proceed.

TNA finally caught the hint that putting the best thing about the show not named Joseph Park on YouTube is probably a thing you want to do to entice folks to watch on a weekly basis. Guess upping the ratings with those Magnus segments didn’t really work out for ya, huh.

Sub-Best: Kazarian explains what increased blood flow to the lower body region means.

Boners, guys. It means boners.

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