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The Best And Worst Of WWE Raw 7/15/13: We Are Never Ever Ever Getting Back Together

By / 07.16.13

Worst: John Cena Needs To Get To The F**king Point And Stop Scrolling Through The Selection Screen, Or
Best: YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES

WHO SHOULD I PICK FOR THIS WWE CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH, WWE UNIVERSE

SHOULD I PICK DARREN YOUNG? LOL “AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT,” THAT’S A THING HE’S SAID BEFORE. WHAT ABOUT HORNSWOGGLE. WHOOPS SORRY HORNY, YOUR CHANCES HAVE “COME UP A LITTLE SHORT.” GET IT. WHAT ABOUT NATALYA? HAILING FROM FARTS UNKNOWN. SORRY NATTIE, I CAN’T FIGHT ANYBODY WHO “WRESTLES LIKE A GIRL.” WELL HOW ABOUT ANTONIO CESARO? “WE THE PEOPLE” HATE YER PIZZA NIPPLES. AND SO ON

Daniel Bryan YES GifMeanwhile, the crowd has been chanting “YES” for 10 minutes, and if John Cena had just walked out and said “you want it, you got it. Cena vs. Daniel Bryan at SummerSlam” he would’ve gotten the same huge reaction, with the bonus of me not thinking Cena’s the dorkiest f**king human walking the Earth. I was smiling SO HARD when Bryan emerged from that pack of giant wrestlers with his Yes Hands up, galloping to the ring in complete command of a crowd ready to love him.

Cena’s got a tendency to rise to his opponent’s level in big matches, so there’s a chance Cena/Bryan will be as off the charts as the Cena/Punk matches were. Plus, SummerSlam is being main-evented by a former Velocity midcard match, and that’s the coolest.

Reminder: I miss Ernest “The Cat” Miller more than I miss any dead member of my family.

WORST: OH GOD

What happens if Daniel Bryan taps John Cena clean to win the WWE Championship, then walks into an RKO from a briefcase-cashing-in Randy Orton and loses the title in 18 seconds again? OH GOD WHAT IF THAT HAPPENS. Or … okay, or maybe Bryan will tap Cena clean AND tap out Orton in an attempted cash-in, because Orton doesn’t really need another title run and it could be Bryan’s “Chris Jericho undisputed title win over Austin and Rock in the same night” thing.

OH GOD, WHAT IF CENA BEATS BRYAN WITH AN STF AND THEN BEATS ORTON DURING A CASH-IN

(I am going to be terrified of SummerSlam for the next month.)

Best: Alex Riley Face

Screen Shot 2013-07-16 at 11.09.25 AM

Congratulations on being the worst looking face in a picture with Khali, Brooklyn Brawler and Zack Ryder’s hair, A-Ry.

Best: Top 10 Comments Of The Night

Shaded_Fox

“Brad, I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you and your mom. I was wondering, would you want ME to be your NEW DAD?”-Chris Jericho

mindtaker

Check out the big brain on Brad!

Edward Lawrence Smith

Yeah, Dolph. break up with the girl that has pushed two dudes through a table, left a guy at the alter, and pushed a guy off a ladder. I’m absolutely sure nothing will go wrong.

TRLjr

*Hello darkness, my old friend…*

Slumdog_prince

It’s good that little sister AJ called on her Big Daddy. Ziggler needs to get him some new plasmids to take that guy down.

blockyralboa

I want to see the lights cut once and both the Wyatts and the Shield standing there confused.

Dagotron

Yo AJ, I’mma let you finish, but Paul Heyman is the craziest ex-girlfriend of all time.

SHough610

I wish Vickie was in this bullying commercial: “In the middle of the ring on Monday Night Raw”

Aybs

Children?!

“TIME TO PLAY THE GA–”

LBCS

“Na dude I’m going to roll up the turnbuckle. It will be sweet”

“That makes no sense Rob”

Thanks, everybody. See you all next week. Well, not you, Alex Riley, but everybody else.

Now, a live show report for BONUS CONTENT~, courtesy of reader Luis Paez-Pumar.


Continue Reading 'The Best And Worst Of WWE Raw 7/15/13: We Are Never Ever Ever Getting Back Together' »
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TOPICS#BEST AND WORST OF RAW#PRO WRESTLING#WWE#WWE RAW
TAGSAJ LEEALBERTO DEL RIOANTONIO CESAROBELLA TWINSBIG E LANGSTONBRAD MADDOXBRAY WYATTBROCK LESNARCHRIS JERICHOCHRISTIANCM PUNKCODY RHODESDAMIEN SANDOWDaniel BryanDOLPH ZIGGLERFANDANGOJACK SWAGGERJohn CenaNAOMIPAUL HEYMANR-TRUTHRANDY ORTONROB VAN DAMSTEPHANIE MCMAHONSUMMER RAETHE USOSTRIPLE HWWE SUMMERSLAM 2013WYATT FAMILY

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