Hahah yes, that is a real and accurate headline.
Last week, insane vegan MMA fighter WAR MACHINE got his pornstar girlfriend’s last name tattooed across his neck in giant letters. She got “property of War Machine” tattooed on her shoulder. In theory, that should’ve been the dumbest thing either of them did for the month of July.
In theory. In theory, communism works. In theory.
This week, War Machine ran afoul of 4Chan. If you aren’t familiar with the works of 4Chan, think of the most horrible thing you’ve accidentally seen trying to Google image search something. That thing probably came from 4Chan. They’re the type of Internet you don’t look in the eye. They’re also the type of Internet that can ruin your day with EXTREME PREJUDICE, as War Machine found out when he decided to get aggressive with people making crass remarks about his lady friend on Twitter. One thing led to another, and …
Well, why don’t I let Anon fill you in on the story.
Yes, ladies and gents, War Machine got so mad at dudes on the Internet he punched himself in the face to keep from murdering.
You are a constant source of inspiration, War Machine. I’d hate to see what you’d do to yourself if somebody insulted your mother. Can War Machine kick himself in the face? Is that physically possible?
(I think you’re pretty cool, Christy Mack. Get at me, assuming you aren’t already somebody’s property.)
[h/t to Jessica Hudnall by way of Middle Easy]