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The Best And Worst Of TNA Impact Wrestling 1/2/14: I Went To Japan And All I Got Was This Lousy Haircut

By / 01.03.14

Worst: Ooo, creepy dudes. They’re so hot right now.

What do you get when you combine a dude who used to wrestle in board shorts who watched American Psycho one too many times and was deeply affected by it, Bray Wyatt’s pants, and half of a Dexter costume from 2007?

Yeah. I’m really not sure either.

sadface

Best: Ohh, my everything

What I am sure of, however, is just how much I adore Norv Fernum, and how valuable he is to the show. Now, I’m not just saying that because he elicited the first and only instance of me using heart emojis without irony in a public forum, but rather because it goes back to what I was talking about at the beginning of the show. And I hate to use this word, but…guys: Jobbers are important.

When you have say, twenty guys who wrestle on television but three divisions, you can’t have every single one at the top of their class. Layered storytelling is as important layering a card. A quote-unquote mid-card storyline can have just as much compelling storytelling as something that occupies a main event timeslot. Most of the time, it does, because television mains are usually pretty boring. But everything in between counts. Samuel Shaw making his first appearance except that one a while ago we’re disregarding because nicknames I guess can’t just wander out and face Kurt Angle. Or Chris Sabin. Or even Kazarian or Joseph Park.

Norv and Dewey helped tell us who Ethan Carter III was, and now they can do the same thing for someone else. They also get to be best friends and have personalities of their own. They are important, functioning cogs in the only part of the machine that seems to be working. Left side of the room let me love you and also buy you a soy latte.

Worst: American Viking vs. Beer Money

That was a weird thing to type. But yeah, Beer Money! They boys are back together! They hate each other, but now they have to unite against a common enemy of muddy motivations!

As I mentioned a few weeks ago, you know a match is bad when they only show 35 seconds of it on their YouTube channel.

Best: But wait a second…

I just now realized that Kurt Angle and Gunner are the Wooly Willy before and after, and I may need to rethink my stance on them teaming together.

willy2
willy1

Official opinion: upgraded from tepid to delighted!

Worst: Gunner

uh gunner

Uh, Gunner…is the talk we have to have about how you don’t actually know what The Superkick of the Cowboy James Storm is known for?

You were a terrible friend.


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