Lingerie FC recently entered my radar since it will be making its PPV debut on April 11th, and wowie-kazowie, everything about it looks terrible. It combines so many bad ideas, I’m honestly not sure where to begin. There’s the skeeziness of the Lingerie Football League (LFC even features a lingerie football player. Hooray for two-sport athletes, just like Herschel Walker in Strike Force!), the dumb idea of team-based MMA taken from the IFL. Then there’s the fact that a lot of the lingerie covers up more than the typical women’s MMA outfit of sports bra and tiny shorts. You know what, just like LeVar Burton on Reading Rainbow, don’t take my word for it, let’s see what the official LFC website has to say:
Lingerie Fighting Championships (LFC) was founded by Roni Taylor after seeing two ring girls get into a fight at an MMA event and realizing the audience was more interested in that fight than any of the real fights. She runs the league with an iron fist and recruits only the hottest girls to fight for her.
The LFC is a throw-back to old-time MMA in that there are no weight divisions. All the fighters train full-time at the LFC training facility under the direction of coaches Jason Parsons (former MMA fighter and trainer and Roni’s husband) and Arik Loegen (former pro wrestler). The girls are split into two teams, one coached by Jason and the other by Arik (who dubs his team ‘Arik’s Angels’).
That’s even worse than I had initially imagined. There’s a mean boss owner, and her husband is a trainer, and the other trainer isn’t even a MMA guy because why would you want that for these TOTALLY REAL FIGHTS?
Because I am a lunatic, I watched all of the LFC promo videos and decided to share the choice moments with y’all. Please note that after hearing the “Fight! Fight! Fight! Gonna kick some – Fight! Fight! Fight!” song like thirty times, my brain collapsed.
Tara “I DON’T WANT TO BE HERE” Gaddy sums everything up nicely. “I don’t know why anyone would want to do this” either, Tara. Start putting together a hobo bindle so you can make your escape one of these days.
Helen Mei has given Roy Nelson some good tips for his upcoming fight with Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira. It’s been a while since I’ve seen a good “Submission – smother” fight result.
Jenevieve Serpentine is a practitioner of the “dark MMA arts”. Is that what they teach at Black House?
Roni Taylor is a terrible boss and I hope someone fake-punches her in the eyeball.
Seriously, though, if you’re dead set on an attractive lady doing fights, watch Michelle Waterson or Felice Herrig or something. This stuff is the dirt f*ckin worst, y’all.