Okay, soccer haters. Go somewhere else for the next hour. This here post is to celebrate the best part of American soccer, Clint Dempsey.
The man they call Deuce scored the decisive goal in the 26th minute to give the US Men's National Team a 1-0 win over Guatemala in the first round of the Gold Cup. Dempsey also scored in a 4-1 friendly against China last weekend, and his goal against Liverpool last month kept his club Fulham from getting relegated from the Premiership. He also made Chuck Norris make out with a dude. He's honestly that much of a badass.
On the other hand, it was fucking Guatemala. That country's so poor they dream about illegally immigrating to Mexico.