Well, the time comes when the lights need to be turned on and the party must end. We had a good run of 10 weeks, as we watched the league’s worst teams flop around like wounded ducks as a few of them tried to convince us they weren’t losing on purpose for the 2012 NFL Draft’s top prize – Stanford QB Andrew Luck. Unfortunately, our party is pretty much over and we can stick a fork in this Suck for Luck campaign. Barring a miracle – and by that I mean the sudden desire to win – the Indianapolis Colts will have the first pick in the next draft.
And that’s fine, because that’s what their fans and ownership openly pined for to very little criticism. Apparently the Colts are allowed to lose on purpose, so let’s all tip our caps to the eventual team that will make Luck the No. 1 pick. In the meantime, we’ll take one last rundown of the power(less) rankings – and don’t worry, we’ll still review each game in our own fun way in the coming weeks – while I try to decide if I want the Miami Dolphins Whiffin’ for Robert Griffin III or Playing Lames for LaMichael James. Maybe Losing Whack, Son for Justin Blackmon?
1) Indianapolis Colts (0-10) – Peyton Manning says he’s fine with the Colts drafting a QB with their first pick in the next draft, and of course he is. If his neck gets better and he can play again, he’ll start and make $29 million while mentoring Luck, who he has already mentored during college.
2) St. Louis Rams (2-7) – I can’t even pretend to know what this team needs. What a sad regression. My guess would be Oklahoma State’s Justin Blackmon as a top target for the Rammies now, but they’ll still have to suck worse than Minnesota. That’s a daunting task, friends.
3) Minnesota Vikings (2-7) – If you’re a Vikings fan, you have to be pretty excited about Christian Ponder’s potential. He looks poised and ballsy enough. But is he ballsy enough to lose more than the Rams? I know, this plot line sucks hard.
4) Miami Dolphins (2-7) – My favorite new phrase in this two-game winning streak of the Dolphins is they are “finally using Reggie Bush properly.” Gee, you mean they finally grasped how to throw screen passes to the RB with the most receptions in the NFL since he was drafted? Someone get Tony Sparano his MacArthur Genius Grant now. Also, relevant:
5) Carolina Panthers (2-7) – I’ve really enjoyed the Cam Newton era thus far, but my one complaint about him is that he expects to win every game, and if that’s my biggest complaint then good for him. Every QB should think that way. But when your defense is as terrible as the Panthers, you have to be realistic.